international women's day

To All the Mediocre Women Out There

Photo: GERARD PUIGMAL/Getty Images

To the woman washing her underwear in the shower with shampoo instead of doing laundry.

To the woman who didn’t raise her hand in class, not because she was shy, but because she didn’t care.

To the woman who will never understand what Bitcoin is, no matter how many articles she tries to read.

To the woman who always manages to make the conversation about her when her friends need support.

To the woman who said she was working from home to finish a project, and then spent the whole day watching Below Deck Mediterranean, eating Triscuits, and masturbating.

To the woman who didn’t register to vote but posted a “Get out and vote!!!!” selfie anyway.

To the woman who cancels 60 percent of the plans she makes.

To the woman who is late to absolutely everything, and laughs about it like it’s a quirky personality trait instead of a choice to value other people’s time less than her own.

To the woman whose main pastime is getting high and watching Blue Planet.

To the woman who joined the swim team in high school, and then quit two months later because morning practices sucked and she wanted to smoke cigarettes with her friends after school.

To the woman who can’t remember the last time she washed her sheets.

To these women: we see you. You are extremely average. If you were men, you would probably have a wildly popular podcast. Today is your day too. Happy International Women’s Day.

To All the Mediocre Women Out There