Back when Beto O’Rourke was running for Texas Senate against Ted Cruz, he was generally considered attractive. He was young-ish, knew how to skateboard, and, most importantly, was not Ted Cruz. But that was several hundred years ago. Now, Beto O’Rourke is just one more dude running in a presidential race full of interesting candidates. The stakes are higher in every way, including, of course, hotness. So the Cut convened to discuss whether Beto is A) calf-crampingly attractive, B) an average-looking man who happens to be tall, or C) totally kind of hot.
Stella Bugbee, editor-in-chief: Is Beto attractive? Some of the men in the greater New York Magazine orbit have pointedly “suggested” that the Cut weigh in on the matter. Anecdotally, I gather there seems to be some debate?
Anna Silman, senior culture writer: He is hot for sure.
Hayley Schueneman, beauty writer: Sorry, Anna. That’s wrong. “Floppy” is the adjective I would use to best describe him.
Izzy: I have spent my entire life being attracted to skinny indie rock guys and it’s really weird to see one run for president. I can’t tell if I’m horny for him or just horny for the opportunity to make Fugazi jokes in the year 2019.
Sarah Spellings, fashion news writer: He’d look better if he dyed his hair darker. But he’s hot.
Izzy: See, I find the desire for political power sexually off-putting in the exact same way that I find having been in an El Paso punk band to be sexually appealing, which I think is why Beto has me all scrambled.
Anna: Oh, interesting! I like the blind confidence and authoritativeness of a man in politics. Love a man with a plan. Even if that plan is completely stupid and misguided.
Hayley: Yeah, but I don’t get that vibe from Beto. He feels like he got swept up in something bigger than himself and he’s just riding it out. Not hot.
Kathleen Hou, beauty director: Beto is only attractive to me in a former-athlete-who-rowed-crew kind of way.
Izzy: Well, that’s the other thing. Rowers are tall. Maybe he’s just … tall …?
Aude White, publicist: Men-who-aren’t-attractive-but-are-so-tall-they’re-misconstrued-as-attractive is a real thing.
Allison Davis, feature writer: For me, Beto’s attractiveness is in the details — I weirdly like his extremely long teeth and he has nice feet, as evidenced in that Vanity Fair spread. I zoomed in on his bare feet and sent the picture to friends and said “Beto has nice, smooth feet.”
Stella: Allison. Why didn’t I get that text?
Hayley: He gives me, like, your friend’s weird dad vibes. Like he was the goofy one who would poke his head into your middle-school hangout and say, “You girls having fun?” and you’re like, “Ugh, yes, we are, Mr. O’Rourke.”
Kelly Conaboy, writer-at-large: It’s extremely unattractive how he misinterpreted our desire for him to win his election as a desire for him to try to be president.
Izzy: Yes! I feel like I’ve had an entire one-sided relationship with him over the past eight or nine months. I had such a crush on him, I donated to his campaign, he lost and I was sad … and then after he announced he was running, his campaign texted to ask me to donate again, and I found myself irrationally grossed out.
Hayley: Izzy, he’s the ex you believed in once who wants a second chance.
Kelly: Let it go, man … we don’t like you like that.
Anna: Since we’re opening up, I have to confess I also thought Mitt Romney was kinda hot.
Sarah: OMG me too Anna!
Izzy Grinspan: Wait, really? His favorite meat is hot dog.
Anna: No shame in that.
Sarah: I also thought Paul Ryan was hot in 2012.
Hayley: Paul Ryan was kind of hot to me, too, and I hate myself for it.
Anna: Who was that other guy from Utah running for president? Jon Huntsman. Wasn’t he also kind of hot?
Hayley: Anna, you should do a “Totally Kind of Hot Politician Edition” all by yourself.
Anna: To All The Politicians I Have Loved Before. Netflix, please contact me.
[Cut staffer who insisted on having her name redacted]: I can understand the Mitt appeal, sadly. A completely incompetent and stupid tall man — there is something endearing about that.
Anna: Use your name, you coward!
[Redacted]: I will not go on the record about thinking Mitt Romney could be hot, I’m sorry … this could ruin me. I need to protect the integrity of my mind palace.