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What Is Beto’s Dog Thinking?

Photo: Vanity Fair

Beto O’Rourke might be running for president in 2020 — he’s not sure, he’s still “feeling it out,” according to Vanity Fair’s profile of him. And while that decision is weighing heavily over him and his family, there’s clearly something much darker plaguing Beto’s dog, Artemis.

She’s featured on the cover alongside Beto, who is posed with his hands tucked into his back pockets, a sheepish grin on his face, surrounded by the arid Texas landscape. Artemis seems relatively unimpressed with whatever’s taking place; her dark expression suggests that she’s seen indescribable horrors.

Like, look at this dog:

It’s not just this photo, either — Artemis looks somehow mournful in every single shot she’s featured in throughout the Vanity Fair spread. She’s clearly thinking about something deeply haunting. But what?

What could be making her so visibly disturbed? She seems to live a very good life: She’s got a family that loves her, and resides in a home with two other pets (another dog named Rosie and a cat named Silver). But maybe there is something, something bad, that keeps her awake at night. Here are my best guesses:

• Artemis is plagued by an irrational worry that Beto will try to incorporate his past in a punk band into a speech announcing his 2020 presidential bid.

Artemis somehow managed to access a computer, and came across the infamous Horny Beto Tweet.

• Ted Cruz tried to pet her during the midterm elections, and succeeded.

• Beto once tried to Instagram Live Artemis on a skateboard. Artemis doesn’t skateboard.

• Artemis was actually wait-listed at USC — she was up late last night scrolling Olivia Jade’s Instagram page.

• Beto always asks Artemis to look over his Medium posts, and then never listens to her concerns that he sounds a bit self-indulgent.

What is Beto’s Dog Thinking?