mysterious portals

Extremely Wealthy People Possibly Constructing Gate to Hell in Manhattan

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I’m not entirely sure where in the world you are right now, but I am fairly confident that as long as you are reading this between the hours of 8 a.m. and, let’s say, 6 p.m. ET, you currently hear the thunderous sound of the underground pool and potential gate to hell that’s being constructed in a $100 million brownstone on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

According to the New York Times, the “drilling and banging and beeping” associated with the construction of this massive indoor pool has been slowly torturing the residents of and around West 69th Street in Manhattan. The construction has also brought in fumes so intense that a neighbor with a family history of pulmonary issues moved away out of fear for her health.

What is planned for the basement? Glad you asked! According to the Times, the completed pool “will measure 10 by 60 feet. It will be clad in marble, and surrounded by columns, and softened by recessed lighting.” Joining it in the mansion will be “an underground theater and a recording studio, a Jacuzzi and a sauna, free-floating elliptical stairs (whatever that might be) and a wall of sculpture depicting trees, animals and birds of the jungle.”

Construction was supposed to end last December, but now it’s been extended at least through the summer. An 80-year-old philosophy professor living nearby told the Times of the construction, “‘Noise’ isn’t strong enough. ‘Mindless hell and chaos’ would be better.”

It turns out the home, which will also feature a recording studio when it’s finished, is being constructed for jazz singer Malou Beauvoir and French entrepreneur Pierre Bastid, who live primarily in Brussels. However, neighbors reportedly worry that Bastid is planning on turning the lot into another boutique hotel. But from the sounds of the construction — and the general idea of a crew of people working day in and day out to drill a massive hole into the ground, from which pungent fumes have been wafting — we have our own theories.

Extremely Wealthy People Possibly Constructing Gate to Hell