Today, two horrific and chilling pieces of content emerged from the bowels of the internet. The first, from the Bay Area’s KRON4: “Doctors find four bees in woman’s eye, feeding on her tears.”
While that headline pretty much says it all, here are some additional details: (1) The bees were embedded in the eye of a 29-year-old Taiwanese woman named He, (2) they seem to have ended up there when she was at a family member’s grave pulling out weeds, and then felt what she thought was dirt fly into her eye, (3) she experienced “severe pain,” (4) doctors were “shocked,” (5) the doctors got all of the bees out, and He is expected to make a full recovery, and (6) yes, there is video.
Wow, you might be thinking, that’s the most unsettling thing I’ll read about today. But wait, there’s more. The second terrible piece of content is this: Donald Trump’s trailer (?) for 2020.
Set to Hans Zimmer’s score for The Dark Knight — a film about a deranged man with badly dyed hair intent on sowing societal discord — the two-minute video opens with ominous shots of President Obama, and Washington, D.C., and then, in bad metallic PowerPoint font, the phrases:
FIRST THEY IGNORE YOU
THEN THEY LAUGH AT YOU
THEN THEY CALL YOU RACIST
(Uh?)
Then, the music gets more triumphant, and there are shots of Donald Trump doing presidential things, like speaking emphatically, and walking away from Air Force One, and shaking hands. A clip of Lindsay Graham screaming during the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings. A screenshot of a Fox News story with the headline, “Mueller report summary released, showing no proof Trump team colluded with Russia.” Then, in the same bad font, the phrase:
DONALD J. TRUMP
Then, clips of … Rosie O’Donnell, Bryan Cranston, and Amy Schumer?
Same font:
YOUR VOTE
PROVED THEM ALL WRONG
And then:
TRUMP THE GREAT VICTORY
2020
Now, while the first story made me feel like my eye was full of bees, the second story made me feel like my brain and soul were full of bees. Which is worse? That’s a decision we all must reach on our own. So, take a deep breath, and then ask yourself …
Would you rather:
• Have four bees get stuck inside your eye (either one) and feed on your tear ducts?
• Watch this Trump 2020 trailer more than once?
Write your answer on a piece of paper, and then immediately burn it, because it is cursed.
