vanderpump rules

Oh No, Stassi and Beau!

Photo: Bravo TV

Nothing in particular happened during this episode, but it’s fine. It’s nice. Sometimes it’s fun just to watch our vacationing Vanderpump friends drive ATVs through rough, animal-laden terrain, even though it seems pretty dangerous and like they should have at least one ATV professional inside of their ATVs with them, especially considering the fact that they are almost certainly non-sober. Right? Anyway. Let’s remember what happened at the beginning and start from there.

We open with the to-be-continued portion of the Tom and Katie fight from last week. Katie is mad about various things — Tom not talking to her at the Tom Tom opening party, Tom taking a first class seat on the flight to Mexico while leaving her in coach — but they all stem from the fact that she feels Tom hasn’t made enough time for her lately. (And Tom is mad that Katie is mad.) The couple basically just makes up in the first five minutes of the episode, which is something for which I am grateful. Nobody really needs to watch Katie and Tom try to verbally abuse each other for reasons that they need to just take care of privately. In my opinion, they should just get past it for now. And they did! Katie apologized for not telling Tom what she was feeling earlier and more plainly; Tom apologized for not paying her enough attention. Okay, great. Next!

The group goes out for dinner at a beachfront restaurant, their table is on the sand, and they all put their bare feet in the sand. I’ll admit, it did make me jealous. Why not us? Just because we’re not willing to regularly have sex with and betray our hot friends in West Hollywood for Bravo? Okay, fair enough. Brittany has some tequila even though she has those stomach issues we keep hearing about. Jax brings up the suspicious hot-tub pillow arrangement from the time they were in Mexico last season, saying he still believes Kristen cheated on her boyfriend with James, but luckily Kristen does not hear him. (She repeatedly explains that she has “small ear canals.”) Kristen pings her glass to signal she is giving a toast, and then — as the toast — explains how she is going to drink enough to have fun, but not enough to go crazy. Incredible toast, Kristen; you are very Kristen, and we love you.

During dinner, Ariana took Lala aside to talk about how she fought with James, Raquel, and Billie Lee at Billie Lee’s brunch a few episodes ago. What? Why now? I don’t know, man. Ariana tells Lala that when her dad died, it was right when Kristen was spreading rumors that she and Sandoval were hooking up (while Sandoval was dating Kristen). (This was in season three.) She said that if she could get through that without freaking out on everyone, Lala can get through this. Lala’s reaction is mostly like, Why the hell did you put up with that? I would have never put up with that. But she agrees to seek out Ariana’s help the next time she starts “seeing red.”

I guess if we’re going to buy into the illusion that something happened during this episode, other than that Sandoval arranged to have the gang ride ATVs, it would be that Stassi and Beau fought. They had two fights — both about the same thing, both at the same time of night, and both in the same state of being. (How Beau wanted to continue partying; 3 a.m.; very intoxicated.) I hesitate to say this, but: I am lightly on Stassi’s side. She doesn’t want Beau to go out partying until 5 a.m., because she wants to go to bed around, like, 3 a.m., and she doesn’t want to be the sort of girl who goes to bed alone while her boyfriend stays out and parties. Beau says they’re on vacation and he’s not going to cheat on her, or whatever, so why can’t he just go to Tom Sandoval’s room and hang out with the guys getting fucked up until one million o’clock? I don’t know. Frankly, it’s a boring, normal fight, and they’re fine. I hope they work it out and, in fact, know they do, because I follow them both on Instagram.

What else? Everybody got incredibly fucked up at a dance party, and nothing happened except all of the girls showed their vaginas while dancing. I guess we can say Stassi and Beau got into another fight there, because Stassi didn’t want to go up on a platform to dance with the other girls while the DJ played Lala’s song “Boy,” because she had Spanx on and didn’t want everyone to see. (Beau thought she should just go up and have fun.) (Beau … in my opinion, please back off!)

NEXT WEEK: James and Raquel attempt to throw a “puppy shower” (like a baby shower) for their “new” puppy (whom they’ve already had for several episodes? unless they got another puppy), and everyone seems to think it’s a dumb idea!

Everybody Lets Loose on Vanderpump Rules — Finally!