Vanderpump Rules star Stassi Schroeder is a lot of things: someone who doesn’t know what she’s done to you, but she’ll take a pinot grigio; author of the New York Times bestseller Next Level Basic; the self-professed “devil, and don’t you forget it”; and, of course, a huge fan of the doomed HBO series Game of Thrones.
Her fans call her “Khaleesi” and she calls them “Khaleesis.” She posted on Instagram and Twitter that the stress from Sunday’s episode triggered her psoriasis. And in November, she and her boyfriend Beau wore matching Game of Thrones Christmas sweaters while they picked up their Christmas tree. In a section of Next Level Basic dedicated to defending musicals from the idea that they “are not real life,” she writes, “Is Game of Thrones real life? Unfortunately for me, no. Yes, it’s violent AF, and it was a horrible time for women’s rights, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be Khaleesi in real life.”
Does she still want to be Khaleesi in real life? We recently talked to her about that, which Game of Thrones character would make the best SURver, and more. Please enjoy, and remember that even after Game of Thrones ends we still have one more Vanderpump Rules reunion episode, and some might say those are even better.
How are you feeling right now, knowing that Game of Thrones is almost over?
Well, that right away is so fucking depressing I can’t even think straight. I’m literally like — someone is going to have to put me on Prozac after Sunday. What am I going to have a passion for after this? I’m not thrilled that it’s ending, that goes without saying.
What are you feelings about Daenerys burning down King’s Landing in the latest episode?
I have so many thoughts. I’ve been sitting here trying to be like … I mean, everyone is so angry. I feel like most people I talk to are angry about the way everything has gone. And while I have my anger toward certain things, I’m trying my best to look at it in a positive light. Like, let’s take this last episode. We’re disappointed that there was so much character development throughout the show’s eight years that was just shit on and shut down right away, but let’s take that out of it for a second. That episode still was like … you can’t compare it to any other show. It still was better, to me, than any other show I’m watching.
I mean, am I disappointed? Yes. With Daenerys going crazy, I’m like … fuck. I relate. All I could think about when I saw her go mental was like, Oh no. This is like me when I’m dealing with the dark passenger! [Ed Note: Stassi’s “Dark Passenger,” a bit of Vanderpump lore, is the spirit within her that makes her seethe with anger, typically late at night and after drinking.] When my boyfriend doesn’t want to go to bed at the same time I do, or wants to stay out longer, the demon just comes out. I literally kept pausing it, because I was watching it with Beau, and I was like — you don’t understand. There’s no turning back. I saw that look on her face. Like, she is now just seeing red, and it doesn’t matter what’s in front of her, it doesn’t matter what she stomps on, who she kills. There is no turning back. And I was like, Beau, this is how it feels when the dark passenger happens to me. I can’t control it. It’s just something that happens.
And I’m so torn, you know what I mean? Because I’ve loved Daenerys so much, everyone has loved Daenerys so much. And you saw seasons before when she was just so heartbroken over the fact that her dragon killed an innocent — it was like a kid, I think. And now she’s killing a whole fucking town of innocent people? I’m like, what is happening? Did the writers take a bunch of drugs and go to Burning Man and were like, “let’s just go rogue?”
Do you think Beau would have been able to calm Daenerys down, in her dark passenger situation?
Well, it depends on if Daenerys is drunk or not. I feel like Beau can handle a sober Daenerys. But this is the thing — this is what I told Beau while we were watching it. It felt like a therapy session, because I’m like … Jon Snow should have just listened to her. I’m sorry, the women are always right. If he had just listened to her and not told his sister. It was literally like, he got the information and tweeted it out after she said, “Can you please keep a secret?” It’s a super-easy thing to keep a secret. Just like, don’t tell anyone. Obviously! If he just listened to her, he could have avoided all of this. For everyone who is like, “team Jon Snow” now, Jon Snow is partly why this happened. Because he likes to gossip.
Have your feelings changed about calling your fans “Khaleesis”?
No. I’ve gotten so many tweets about that, but no. I’m ride or die. People have their moments. She could have been on her period, she could have been having a bad day. People have their moments, and we need to forgive them when they have their moments. Because everyone fucks up every now and then. It’s just her fuck up was, like … major.
What were your other reactions to the episode, like, with Jaime running back to Cersei?
Ugh! I just — I feel like there were so many missed opportunities. I’m hesitant, because I don’t want to shit on Game of Thrones. Even if I’m not thrilled with how things went, I still think it’s the best show ever. But I just was so frustrated that, like, there was so much time spent on all of the battle scenes. They were great, but I only needed five minutes of that. So much of that time could have been designated to like, seeing the characters and explaining a lot more. Like with Jaime and Cersei — I could have used a lot more buildup to that. I could have used a lot more of them talking, and making that more meaningful. I needed, like, I just like needed more character. Some more soul. I felt that way even when Jaime Lannister was fighting with Euron like, it was an excellent time for Euron to say, “Yeah, Cersei is pregnant with my child.” Like, that could have changed the game right there.
There were so many things that we were told that weren’t followed up on, and I just … and Arya, I feel like she probably should have just married whats-his-name. What’s wrong with being a lady and a badass at the same time? You don’t have to choose just one.
Who in the Vanderpump cast would you cast as whom in the Game of Thrones cast?
Okay, I’ll just start with the worst. James would be Ramsay or Joffrey. Let’s go with that one right there. You know what, do you follow the Watch What Crappens podcast?
No, I don’t — what is it?
It’s so funny, there are these two guys who normally do recaps of Bravo shows, and they’re so hysterical. They’re equally mean to everyone, so it makes it really fun to listen to. But they’ve also done Game of Thrones, so on their first Game of Thrones podcast episode they matched everyone’s character with someone on Vanderpump Rules. And it was really, really funny. They put me as Cersei and I was so offended. Like — maybe in seasons one or two. But I feel like I’ve shown growth! I feel like I’m Daenerys! And even more now, with that dark passenger situation.
I’m trying to think — I feel like Kristen would be Melisandre. I feel like Jax, honestly, I feel like he is Jaime Lannister, 100 percent. Watch What Crappens said Katie is the Night King, which I actually thought was really funny. The way she’s been edited this season, it’s like oh my God, this is my best friend, and I know she is such a kind person, and I know all of her intentions, but she just didn’t have the best season. So I thought that was hysterical.
I feel like Arya I would give to … maybe Tom Sandoval. I struggle with that, because I love Arya so much. I’m not as close with Tom Sandoval …
As you are with Arya.
But I feel like Sandoval just always has, like, a cause. And he’s always trying. So I see that. Before the last episode I was going to go with Beau as Jon Snow, but after he told the secret I’m like, I don’t know. Beau, if you ever tell me secrets like that … I swear to God.
I’m sure he won’t. Especially not now.
I don’t know, he’s a gossiper too. I’ve turned him into a gossiper. When we first started dating he was, like, a normal guy who didn’t understand gossip and reality TV and all that. Now I find I gossip with him more than anyone else. So maybe we’ve turned into Jon Snow and Daenerys. Let’s just hope that ends well.
How do you want Game of Thrones to end?
I’m ready for a happy ending. Like, before this even started I’m like … there’s no way we’re going to get a happy ending. That’s not what Game of Thrones is. This isn’t a romantic comedy. But then like the first episode happened and I’m like, this feels like a romantic comedy! It literally feels like a Kate Hudson movie right now, with Daenerys and Jon making out in front of the dragons, whispering in each other’s ears — like, what is this? But now with, like, all the pain us viewers have had to go through, I really want a happy ending.
Can’t they just share the throne? Listen, Jon Snow can sit on Daenerys’s lap for all I care, but can’t they just join forces? That’s all I care about.
What are the chances that will happen, do you think?
I just, like, don’t feel like it’s going to happen. Especially because I’ve watched interviews with all of the actors, and whenever they’re asked about the ending they’re all like, “uggh, ugggh,” which makes me feel like this Sunday we’re all just going to like, throw ourselves off of our homes. We’re just going to kill ourselves. I don’t know.
Okay, I have two more questions. Who on Game of Thrones would make the best SUR employee?
I would think Jon Snow, because he’s really good at just following orders. If you really think about every other Game of Thrones character, they’re not really good at following orders … although, I don’t know, Jon Snow did just tell a secret. But whatever, for the most part, Jon Snow is good at just doing what he needs to do.
And who on Game of Thrones is the most basic?
Daenerys. I mean, come on. It’s like … she’s like a woman of the people, she has her boyfriend, she’s had boyfriends on the side, and she kind of just wants to be princess. I feel like I would go between Daenerys and Sansa. Sansa is also basic to me. In the beginning, she was the ultimate basic bitch. She was just like, “Ooh daddy, I want to be a queen.” That was just like her whole thing. And ultimately, basic bitches lean into who they really are, and now she’s just leaning into being a boss bitch. So I take that back, I’m gonna go with Sansa as being the most basic bitch.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Next Level Basic is available now from Gallery Books, and Stassi will tour with her podcast Straight Up With Stassi in September.