I Want This Majestic Squid to Drag Me to the Ocean Floor

Giant squid.
Giant squid. Photo: Edie Widder and Nathan Robinson

In the famed song “Under the Sea,” from Disney’s The Little Mermaid, when Sebastian sang, “Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter,” I felt that — and I’m not just talking about the suspiciously sexual interpretation. I earnestly believe that the ocean is infinitely superior to the land, as the salty water is replete with the most beautiful creatures, such as the impressively fat great white shark, as well as my new queen, the majestic giant squid.

Giant squids, or Architeuthis, are elusive: It wasn’t until 2012 that scientists filmed their first-ever video of one swimming in its deepwater habitat off Japan’s Ogasawara archipelago, and since then, the cephalopods have evaded researchers. But per the New York Times, about 100 miles southwest of New Orleans and at a depth of approximately 750 meters, a revolutionary underwater camera recently captured footage of a gargantuan squid sensually embracing a fake jellyfish with her sinewy tentacles. Then, seconds later, she was gone.

“My heart felt like exploding,” said Dr. Nathan Robinson, the director the Cape Eleuthera Institute in the Bahamas, of watching the video. (Extremely same!) Dr. Edie Widder, the founder of the Ocean Research and Conservation Association who developed the underwater camera, was similarly ecstatic. (I implore you to watch the video here.)

“People started crowding around, shouting, getting pretty excited, but trying not to get too excited,” Widder said of the footage. “Because we had to be sure it really was what we thought it was.”

How kind of our lady, who the Times referred to as a “phantom of the deep,” to give us a glimpse of her exceptional form. I wonder if her ancestors were friends with the googly eyed crabs. I wonder if she’s heard of the sweet beluga whale who may or may not be a Russian spy. I wonder if she’s ever come across an inexplicably named “headless chicken monster” sea cucumber.

I wonder … what is she thinking?

I Want This Majestic Squid to Drag Me to the Ocean Floor