Imagine What a Tinder Restaurant Would Be Like

It's the Tinder Restaurant, baby.
It’s the Tinder Restaurant, baby. Photo: Hola Images/Getty Images/Hola Images RM

Finally, New York City is getting a spot where people can feel comfortable going on dates.

According to Bloomberg, Soho will soon be home to Bumble Brew, a coffee shop and wine bar from the team behind the dating app. The restaurant, which is scheduled to open in fall 2019, is focused on creating a pleasant date experience, in part by vigilantly steering visitors away from stereotypical first-date blunders. As described by the people behind it, Bumble Brew will feature “date-friendly” foods only (“no spaghetti”) and a curated wine list from regions that people can pronounce.

Clearly, the early report leaves quite a few questions unanswered — for example, why can’t we be trusted with spaghetti? But more than anything, it made us curious: What would a Tinder restaurant be like? There, we imagine you’d find …

• Bartenders who are far more attractive than your date

• Ingredients foraged by Australians

• Instead of a sommelier, simply a guy who’s “into beer”

• A lone man, outfitted in a T-shirt and flip-flops, holding up a fish in the corner

• A Rupi Kaur poem painted on the wall of the women’s bathroom

• Scorpion bowls on every table

• Hanging photos of men posing with Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson

• Pulsing EDM music

• A couple on a first date sharing what Harry Potter house they’d be in

• Juul pod–littered floors

• A super fun, open couple on the hunt for a woman they can spoil (they can’t wait to meet you!)

• Frustrated bisexual women who do not want to be your unicorn

• Large bathrooms … because … you know

• A dart board for the people who “love to have fun”

• Spaghetti

Imagine What a Tinder Restaurant Would Be Like