Much transpired at the second night of the Democratic debates: Former vice-president Joe Biden repeatedly showed everyone every tooth in his mouth while refusing to apologize for anything he’s ever done; California senator Kamala Harris impressed everyone; the spiritual adviser and author Marianne Williamson stood silently, presumably meditating and growing ever more powerful, until around the 45-minute mark, at which point she began sporadically pontificating about the nature of love, peace, and healing in a dulcet, husky tone.
What she said raised many questions, most notably: What accent even is that? On Twitter, people noted that it sounded “like someone who just dumped Humphrey Bogart”; some called her a “Grey Gardens escapee.” (Williamson was born in Texas, and has lived in New York and Los Angeles for most of her adult life, which gives us little insight into the source of her dreamy lilt.)
Below, some theories of what she sounds like:
• What it would sound like to listen to the news in a K-hole; there are no genuine facts but the soothing, disorienting sensation that information is occurring.
• The cool mom who complains that you can’t get quaaludes like you used to.
• A cat purring.
• The woman in a peasant skirt offering you a joint at a Fleetwood Mac concert.
• Your aunt who quit smoking and now wears paisley but is still 20 percent Marlboro Lights.
• The contents of a gleaming jewel box that’s discovered deep in the old wreckage of a transatlantic ocean liner.
• A stepmother announcing, between drags of her ivory cigarette holder, that the kids are being shipped off to boarding school as soon as possible.
• A day-rave attendee.