Nobody does cover lines like the good people at Town & Country. In September, the magazine’s cover heralded an article titled “Celebrity Death Etiquette,” which advised not to post an Instagram tribute to a celeb you’ve never met. Back in January, cover stories included “Mommy, Are We Rich?,” “Is Exercise Making You Fat?,” and “Let’s All Move to New Zealand.” (Ooh, let’s!)
Each cover line sounds breathless on its own, but when they’re taken together, the comedy starts to emerge — this is a magazine that’s extolling the lifestyles of the rich and famous but also, maybe, delicately, totally mocking the hell out of them. The tone is fun and campy, and frankly, we’re jealous that someone else gets to make them up. So the Cut decided to invent our own. Some of the headlines below appeared on real covers, including a few from this month’s issue with Laura Dern. Others are not from Town & Country. But all describe articles I would love to read.