Sometimes, something beloved needs to be sacrificed for the greater good, like when Gandalf let himself fall into that pit so the rest of the fellowship could escape and he could come back shinier and more powerful. Or when that huge dude in Avengers: Infinity Wars dissolved half the Avengers so the world wouldn’t be overpopulated or whatever.
Today, it was Noah Centineo’s beautiful heartthrob hair that took up the sacrificial role, though it’s unclear if it was voluntary or not. Either way, it is with deep sorrow that I must report that those disheveled dark curls you see above have officially been buzzed into oblivion. “It’s weird!!” as one Twitter user aptly put it.
This news comes to us naught but a week after Tom Holland’s very good waves met a similar, jarring fate, and in the same calendar year that we’ve had to weather the loss of Chalamet, Styles, and Keery curls; though those, thankfully, went out in a less violent manner (choppy bowl cuts, not full-on buzz cuts.)
But it’s not all bad. In darkness, there is light, and in this case, it’s an especially bright one. When you’re done pouring one out for the untimely death of yet another head of dark curls, fill that glass right back up because today we’re also toasting the death of Centineo’s cursed blond beard situation, which also got shaved away.
Gone, and hopefully always forgotten. We may be down five heads of heartthrob hair, but methinks a world without this unsettling wheat beard is a better one. We will prevail. It’s going to be okay, I think.