Sparkling-water enthusiast and failed gossipmonger Jacob Wohl is back with another press conference today, promising to reveal yet another highly implausible political scandal. This time, he purports to have evidence of a recent “long-term sexual relationship” (lasting several months?) between Elizabeth Warren and a 24-year-old bodybuilder Marine. Sure Jake!
This is not the first time Wohl has come out with a ridiculous, unsupported claim against a left-wing politician. In fact, it’s not even the fourth. Along with his partner-in-crime Jack Burkman — literally, the pair is likely under investigation by the FBI — the MAGA-loving freelance “intelligence” operative has tried and failed to take down Robert Mueller, Pete Buttigieg and more in the last year alone, most often by claiming to have dirt on a subject that is quickly revealed to have been manufactured (poorly). So far, the duo have only managed to expose themselves as two men with the know-how and subtlety of two children in a trench-coat trying to buy a dirty magazine.
A brief roundup of the failed diabolical plots of Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman:
The failed Robert Mueller smear
Last October, in the midst of his investigation of Russian meddling into the 2016 election, Wohl and Burkman tried to accuse Special Counsel Robert Mueller of sexual misconduct. The plot failed almost immediately, as journalists began connecting Wohl to a company called Surefire Intelligence, which claimed to be “investigating” a claim of assault regarding Mueller. Wohl’s email was actually used to register Surefire’s domain name online, and the office number directed to his mother’s voicemail. Most enjoyably, the LinkedIn profile pictures of Surefire’s staff included pictures of celebrities like Christoph Waltz, as if no one would, um, figure that out?
The Mueller episode also introduced us to the Wohl-Burkman press conference, a hallmark of their wildly ill-conceived smear strategy that has now been repeated in several iterations. These events are characterized by personal appearance blunders (Burkman’s fly was down this time), lackluster settings (it was a Holiday Inn), and absent witnesses (Mueller’s accuser didn’t show up).
The failed Kamala Harris smear
In January of 2019, shortly after California senator Kamala Harris announced her bid for president, Wohl began tweeting that she was not eligible to run because her parents were not born in the United States. He claimed that neither of Harris’s parents had been “a legal resident for 5 years” prior to her birth, and that she was raised in Canada. Despite the fact that Harris is an American citizen born and raised in Oakland, Wohl stuck to his guns, also engaging in some more well-worn birtherism about Barack Obama.
The failed Ilhan Omar smear
In February 2019, Wohl and another far-right conspiracy theorist and fellow banned Twitter user Laura Loomer traveled to Minnesota to “prove” that Representative Ilhan Omar had married her brother in order to get him U.S. citizenship, a racist, fully-debunked attack that has long been made on the Somali-American politician. Wohl claimed he had to travel with security because of “Somali jihadists” who had threatened him, but refused to show any of these armed bodyguards on his livestream.
Burkman and Wohl then attempted to hold another press conference revealing their findings at the 2019 Conservative Political Action Conference, before being asked to leave the grounds. Not to be deterred, they held it in a nearby hotel lobby, with Wohl flanked by a “security guard” wearing a single AirPod.
Wohl and Loomer then released a “documentary” on their investigation, in which they showed Wohl supposedly filing a police report about death threats he had received from an account that was later revealed to be a fake profile. The man whose photo was used to create it has since sued Wohl.
The failed Pete Buttigieg smear
In April of 2019, Wohl and Burkman tried making false sexual-assault allegations against 2020 Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg. This time they published claims on Medium that a Michigan college student named Hunter Kelly had been a victim of Buttiegieg’s, and held a press conference in May in the driveway of Burkman’s suburban home. By this point, Kelly had already recanted the allegations, and said Wohl had contacted him via Instagram to pitch the fake plot under the auspices of a “‘task force’ set up by the Donald Trump administration.”
As “evidence” that they had not coerced Kelly into making the claims, at their press conference, Wohl and Burkman showed footage of him drinking coffee with the statement, “Most forced coercion attempts do not involve caramel frappucinos.” The footage was shown on a television that had been wheeled onto the house’s front steps that initially said “PRESS CONFERENCE” on its screen; a garbage truck very noisily drove by.
They also claimed that detractors were planning a “Protest Against Homophobic Bigots” in reaction to their press conference, and that “hundreds of leftist protestors” were “set to descend.” Soon after, it was revealed that attendees who RSVPed to the protest event online had received confirmation emails containing the email address “firstname.lastname@example.org.”
The failed Trump whistle-blower reveal
As recently as this past Tuesday, October 2, Burkman and Wohl were yet again holding a press conference in Burkman’s Arlington driveway. This time, they promised to reveal the name of the whistle-blower who had revealed Donald Trump’s phone calls with the Ukrainian Prime Minister, for which he is now facing calls for impeachment. (Notably, Burkman’s home was the only one outside of which trash cans were visible.) Of course, they were “unable to release” the name of the informant, and still haven’t.