In what is almost certainly the terrifying origin story of a future superhero-movie villain, a group of feral hogs (30-50, I presume) ransacked a sizable stash of cocaine in an Italian forest, destroying its contents and undoubtedly snorting some of the product down their giant nostrils in the process. Were these hogs not already feral enough?
Italian news source The Local reported that police discovered the hogs’ mayhem by listening to a tape obtained by wiretapping four suspected drug dealers, who were allegedly discussing the matter. Newsweek reports that the stash, worth $22,000, had been hidden in a forested area of the Valdichiana valley. Wild boars’ ranks have risen in Europe of late. In Italy alone there are an estimated 2 million, twice as many as in 2015.
These particular animals are said to have dug up the dealers’ supply and strewn it about the woods, possibly in a manic state that briefly convinced them they are the Jackson Pollock of feral hogs. It is only the second biggest waste of cocaine to be reported this week; multiple outlets reported on Monday that several bricks of “very pure” cocaine washed up on the shores of southwestern France. Quel dommage.
But to return to my first point, I’m most concerned about the effects such large amounts of cocaine will have on the feral hogs. Specifically I fear that in their heightened state of attention they will realize they are in fact feral hogs and lose their minds, eventually leading them to commit atrocities in the name of stand-up comedy or whatever it is villains based on comic-book characters are supposedly about these days.