And I looked, and behold a sweet puppy: and his name that sat upon him was Narwhal, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
That is a passage from the Book of Revelation, chapter six, verse eight, which traditionally describes the arrival of the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse, Death, but that has been updated to reflect the coming of a new harbinger of the End Times: Narwhal, the puppy with a teeny tail on his forehead.
Narwhal, whose full name is “Narwhal the Little Magical Furry Unicorn,” is 10 weeks old (a Virgo king) and possibly some sort of Dachshund mix, though rescuers aren’t certain. According to the nonprofit dog rescue Mac’s Mission, which has taken him in, he was discovered last Saturday in Missouri, in the freezing cold, with the beginnings of frostbite on one of his paws, oh no. (The frostbite is healing, Mac’s Mission says.)
As for the cute, cursed little tail on his forehead, x-rays showed that it wasn’t connected to anything. While it may possess the power to summon demons from the underworld and bring forth an apocalypse, Narwhal’s face tail doesn’t wag, it just flops around his perfect, tiny face when he plays. Since it doesn’t seem to cause him any pain, vets see no reason to remove it.
“The unicorn face tail does not bother Narwhal and he never slows down just like any normal puppy,” Mac’s Mission wrote in a Facebook post.
The group has already received dozens of adoption applications for Narwhal, but he won’t be available for adoption for a few more weeks, while vets and caregivers make sure his face tail doesn’t give him any problems.
In the meantime, I am ready and willing to be escorted through the fiery gates of Hell if Narwhal will be the sweet little devil who brings me.
