Remember when it was your birthday and everyone use to write on your “wall” on Facebook? Well, that’s very over. It’s all elaborate tributes now, with friends, family, and maybe the occasional celebrity twins posting slideshows and video testimonials on Instagram in your honor, as though it was your wedding or early funeral, and not your birthday, which, in case anyone forgot, is only one day.
Today is Ashley Benson’s birthday. I know this because Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen told me so. Yes. Allow me direct your attention to the video Benson shared on her personal Instagram this morning with the caption: “Dreams do come true.”
In a stunningly out of character move, the Olsen sisters huddle next to each other in front of a camera lens, with Mary-Kate doing the directing. They both have their hair pulled back and parted down the middle, and they both wear sunglasses and dark coats. “Happy birthday,” they say in unison — deadpan at first, and then they crack a rare smile. Ashley adds “Ashley” at the end of her salutation, leading me to believe that they only did one take, and rehearsed maybe once.
“I hope this year is one of the best ones yet,” Ashley adds sweetly. “We’re sending you lots of love.” Mary-Kate interrupts the second-half of that sentiment, adding: “Super magical.” I think she means that she hopes Ashley Benson’s next year on Earth is “super magical,” but this is also an Olsen platitude; everything about this video is super magical. I’ve watched it maybe 100 times since I opened my eyes this morning. I think it deserves an Oscar, even more than that haunting Vine video that Vanessa Friedman took of them during Fashion Week in 2014, which has now been tragically lost to the internet.
And we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet! “And can’t wait to meet you soon,” Mary-Kate adds. Wait … Hold on. They’ve never met?!?! Is this a Cameo video? Did Benson’s girlfriend, Cara Delevingne, pay $1 million for it, in addition to posting her own gushing tribute slideshow on Instagram? How did this happen?
Perhaps now is the time to remind everyone, myself included, that the Olsen sisters are actually real people, just like you and me. Iconic plebes, to be sure, but they have been known to do corny things, like set their phone backgrounds to photos of their large adult husbands. They even wore matching “birthday girl” tiaras on their birthday. Perhaps the Olsens really love birthdays. The do share one, after all. Regardless, I hope Ashley Benson has a super magical, and slightly cursed day.