Well, Now I’m Scared to Open My Oven

Kitchen appliance of which I’m now terrified. Photo: xiao zhou/Getty Images/iStockphoto

Because I had the misfortune of coming across this terrifying local news story, I must now share it with you: A North Carolina family found a snake in their oven.

According to WRAL, Amber and Robert Helm were hoping to have a laid-back dinner with their two young boys, so they decided to toss a frozen pizza in the oven. So far, normal. But after about ten minutes, the couple became unsettled after noticing smoke an odd smell coming from the oven, so Amber told her two kids to back up while she opened it. That’s when she made her horrifying discovery. “I looked closely and was like, ‘Oh my God! That’s a friggin’ snake,’” she told the outlet.

“I was queasy and it was creepy,” Robert said of the incident. “There’s nothing good about finding a smoking snake in your oven.” Indeed!

If you’re wondering if the family still ate the pizza, that would be a resounding no. But some of the questions prompted by the incident remain unanswered: For example, how did the snake get there in the first place? Also, how did the family not notice the reptile, which measured 18 inches in length!?

I feel sorry for everyone involved in this incident, including the snake, who did not deserve to be so gruesomely incinerated. I also feel bad for myself and all fellow ophidiophobes who had grand plans to use their oven tonight. Maybe just … closely inspect all corners before turning it on?

Well, Now I’m Scared to Open My Oven