Prince Harry and Meghan Markle made a big announcement yesterday, as I’m sure you heard, having to do with stepping back from the family business and assuming some version of normal-person life. It would appear Harry wasted no time making his Everyman dream a reality, diving headfirst into one of the more hair-tearing aspects of plebeian existence: interminable conference calls. Harry has reportedly been “locked” in a “four-way call” with his father, grandmother, and brother for freakin’ ever, without even reaching any meaningful conclusion.
Of course, it’s possible that royals, like the rest of us, have to “hop on a quick call” with three to four of their colleagues from time to time; I’m not a Windsor, so I don’t know for sure. Based on my viewing of The Crown, though, I assumed they do most of their wheeling and dealing by storming through the palace halls to huff clipped proclamations at one another, only to have royal protocol trump negotiations every time. But can you imagine spending your whole dang workday in a teleconference, attempting to hammer out an exit from your job as your indignant boss snipes at you about the timeline? I bet you can! And now, so can Harry.
According to the Daily Mail, Harry, Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Charles, and Prince William — who seems to be missing his wife’s birthday celebration for this — have been on the phone together all day. One entire day spent trying to find a “workable” role for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex within “days, not weeks!” Apparently, Harry and Meghan sort of sprung their plan on the rest of the family. The Evening Standard reports that the queen gave the pair “clear instructions” to hold off on stepping down, but that they went ahead with it anyway, allegedly giving Charles and William only ten minutes’ notice before going live with the news. (In his defense, Harry did apparently try to meet with the queen beforehand, only to find himself blocked by her courtiers.)
Now, Harry’s grandma is reportedly “deeply upset” at what she sees as a “palace civil war”; Charles is “incandescent with rage”; and the aforementioned courtiers are vowing that “Harry and Meghan will be punished for this.” With never-ending conference calls, perhaps!