several people are typing

Have You Ever Contemplated How Cool Boulders Are?

That’s a boulder. Photo: WIN-Initiative/Getty Images

Several People Are Typing: a column of passionate behind-the-scenes discussions from the Cut staff, about absolutely nothing.

It’s important to set aside a little bit of time each day to stop and meditate on how wonderful it is to be alive at this very moment in time, and walking this precious planet. Contemplate mankind’s beautiful capacity for empathy, or how certain birds want nothing more than intimacy, or even volcanoes, which are actually so crazy if you really think about them. And that is exactly what we did this morning after Cut writer Amanda Arnold posted a tweet about volcanoes, unintentionally sparking a meandering and fully deranged conversation about the natural wonder, which somehow turned into a debate about what, exactly, a boulder is. Anyway.

Amanda Arnold, writer: I love this wholesome Twitter thread of volcanologists talking about how cool volcanoes are, even though I don’t understand any of it.

Callie Beusman, news editor: Volcanoes are crazy. I can’t believe we just accept that there are mountains of fire and move on with our days. We’re all like, Yeah okay, fire mountain, got it, but why did they remove the hot general from the live-action Mulan film?

Amanda Arnold: We really don’t talk enough about them. Like … molten rock? Crazy.

Claire Lampen, night editor: Don’t want to question the fire mountain too much, lest you anger it.

Matthew Schneier, features writer: This reminds me of the time I ate an edible in college on a road trip, and then was like, Wow, you know what is truly so off the chain if you think about it? Boulders. They’re just … there.

Callie Beusman: Lots of stuff is like that! Echolocation … LAYING EGGS? We’re just here, taking it all for granted.

Molly Fischer, features writer: Lolololol “boulders.”

Matthew Schneier: Are they rocks, are they landscapes, are they the teeth of the Earth’s mouth, bones jutting up through the flesh?

Molly Fischer: We simply cannot say.

Callie Beusman: I think the glaciers carried them in and then melted?

Matthew Schneier: My morning edible is really kicking in, apparently.

Molly Fischer: Are they tiny mountains? Were they bigger mountains in the past?

Claire Lampen: Are they what happens when mountains shed?

Callie Beusman: Amanda literally does bouldering as a hobby. Speak up and tell us what you’ve learned!

Amanda Arnold: Oh yes the sport, but I think actual boulders are also nice to hold and stand on.

Molly Fischer: I didn’t know “bouldering” was an activity!

Amanda Arnold: The ones I climb are fake rock but one day I hope to climb real rock.

Callie Beusman: More than anything, I keep returning to the idea that boulders are “so off the chain.”

Matthew Schneier: I used my circa-2005 slang so you’d really feel how I felt.

Callie Beusman: You really set the scene.

Matthew Schneier: LIGHTS UP on a 1999 Honda Civic. Taconic Expressway. CUT TO MATTHEW, dangerously anemic, with a septum ring and a frayed bleach faux-hawk.

Kerensa Cadenas: Were you reading a lot of Rimbaud?

Matthew Schneier:

Rachel Bashein, managing editor: Matthew! You punk, you!

Amanda Arnold: Okay wait, I can no longer tell if you people actually know what bouldering, as in the sport, is …

Have You Ever Contemplated How Cool Boulders Are?