We Figured Out Your Plans for Tonight

Photo: Universal Pictures, Amazon

You don’t have evening plans, do you? If you’re fortunate enough to be stuck at home, maybe you already have beans simmering and you’ve done some push-ups for good measure. Now, how about a little TLC? Like, say, the movie Cats and some extreme foot exfoliation?

If you haven’t heard the news, Cats (2019) is being made available for digital download tonight. An adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, critics have described it as everything from “not a catastrophe” to “bad” to “insane.” It has all of one star on Rotten Tomatoes, and the previews — complete with disturbing, furry cat boobs — make it look positively alarming:

And yet aren’t you a little curious? And isn’t now the best time — when you’re alone, and the vibe is already kind of weird — to check it out? I think we both know the answer is yes.

If you want to have a truly perfect evening, we have a suggested pairing: using the Japanese drugstore foot treatment Baby Foot while watching Cats. The Strategist describes Baby Foot as “a treatment that removes dead skin from your feet, leaving them as velvety and smooth as a baby’s appendages,” and on a Zoom call today, several of my colleagues lauded its effectiveness: “It’s like when you put Elmer’s glue on your hands when you were a kid and peeled it off,” my editor Kerensa Cadenas said. Staff writer Madeleine Aggeler suggested washing it off after a shower, “when your feet are wet, and you can rub it off in big chunks.”

Baby Foot works by sticking your feet into plastic booties filled with its signature clear gel, so all you have to do is put them on and leave your feet to marinate for about an hour (half of Cats’ runtime). Over the next week, pieces of your skin, ranging “from the size of a Tic Tac to the size of a pita pocket,” the Strategist says, will start peeling off.

People have suggested watching Cats while on drugs, but I feel like that’s overkill in the middle of a pandemic. Instead, slip your trotters into these wet little baggies, and throw on the worst movie of 2019. And don’t worry: If you don’t have Baby Foot on hand tonight, you can order it now to use on one of the many homebound nights to come.

We Figured Out Your Plans for Tonight