imagined conversations

What Do Taylor Swift and Katy Perry Text About?

Photo: Getty Images

Recently, I was listening to Taylor Swift with my boyfriend when he asked who the song “Bad Blood” was about. I said, “Taylor was feuding with Katy Perry.” And he said, “About a guy?” Uh. Excuse me??

Indignant, I said, “No! Sexist!! It was something about … I think … dancers … that Taylor Swift stole from Katy Perry, for her tour? Or the other way around? Or … it was something about, I think, dancers!!!”

Whatever the extended, remarkably boring feud was about (dancers?), the pair have since made amends. Katy Perry appeared in Taylor Swift’s 2019 “You Need to Calm Down” music video as a hamburger and the two pop stars hugged. And now, according to an interview with Katy Perry in Stellar Magazine, she and Taylor Swift have even resumed texting.

“We don’t have a very close relationship because we are very busy,” Perry said, “but we text a lot.” Of course. But what do they text about? I can’t even begin to imagine. Or, actually I can.

Here are my best guesses:

Pete Buttigieg?

Katy Perry: omg did you see pete dropped out
Taylor Swift: omg NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji]
KP: i knowwwwww [sob emoji] [sob emoji] [sob emoji]
TS: like why though??? ugghhhhhgghhhh
KP: delegates?? (??)

The Sopranos?

KP: did you ever watch the sopranos
TS: omg no but I want to
KP: me too we should watch together
TS: omg yes

Fear of Coronavirus?

KP: wait how are you preparing for coronavirus lol
TS: just like I guess washing my hands. it’s scary though
KP: I got masks???
TS: somebody here has masks for me. I guess I’ll wear a mask but like idk if that even does anything?
KP: yeah it’s so scary
TS: i know

What’s for Lunch?

TS: sometimes i’m just so done w lunch
KP: it’s literally the worst meal
TS: totally not inspiring like. what can i have, a sandwich? great….
KP: i know. i’m like, just tell me when dinner is
TS: dinner is REALLY good
KP: i love dinner
TS: dinner rocks

Dogs vs. Cats?

TS: okay on the count of 3 … dogs or cats?
TS: lsafdlkslkasjdfjasdkf lmao
KP: ahahahahahaha

How They’re So Tired?

KP: omg I am so tired
TS: same
KP: I feel like I could sleep for like a week
TS: yeah I feel like I could sleep for a month
KP: omg I know sometimes I’m like, I feel like I could sleep for a couple months in a row
TS: it’s not a competition
KP: then why did you make it one? lol
TS: what do you mean
KP: like you said ‘I could sleep for a month’
TS: I was just saying I could sleep for a month
KP: I just feel like you were trying to one-up me
TS: about sleeping?
KP: about how tired you are. like you’re more tired than I am
TS: ? okay sorry if I upset you.
TS: I have to go. ttyl
KP: all right. me too

Their Feud?

TS: do you remember what our feud was about? lol
KP: LMAO no … hold on I’m trying to remember lol
TS: it was something with dancers
KP: yeah like…
TS: idk.
KP: hold up lol I’m gonna search it
TS: okay [cry-laugh emoji]
KP: okay it says you took three of my backup dancers on your Red tour and then they left your tour early to join my California Dreams tour
TS: ohhhhhh [think emoji]
KP: yeah idk lol

What Do Taylor Swift and Katy Perry Text About?