Armie Hammer, Please Stick to Tracksuits

Photo: @armiehammer

One constant in this new reality is that celebrities are continuing to lose it.

Another day, another unhinged post from someone who can afford to be bored. And today, that person was Armie Hammer, who revealed a shocking new look on Instagram Wednesday afternoon, which included a Mohawk, a handlebar mustache, a fringe muscle tee, and shorts that we can only hope are a bathing suit.

In the Before Time, if an actor debuted a strange new appearance, it usually meant they were preparing for a role. Remember when Alexander Skarsgård went partially bald? Thinking about it actually just made me laugh out loud for the first time all day. But with production for movies and television now halted, what reason could Armie Hammer possibly have for looking like a murderous truck driver on a beach vacation? “Killing the game,” he wrote in a sinister caption.

Photo: @armiehammer/Instagram

Seems unnecessary to me, and particularly upsetting given that Armie Hammer is someone we can normally count on to be good-looking. His former uniform of tracksuits would be perfect — maybe even inspiring — for a moment like this, but apparently, he gave that look up back in March of 2018. Now, he’s moved on to … Matthew McConaughey in Beach Bum? Even Matthew McConaughey is looking more put-together on Instagram these days.

In his Instagram Stories, Hammer shared a photo of himself holding a razor, the locks of his once-gorgeous hair now on the floor. He also appears to have painted his toenails with a light shade of pink. “I’m fine,” read the caption.

Hmm. Seems like Armie Hammer is definitely not fine, and neither are we. One can only hope that Timothée Chalamet doesn’t see this and get any ideas. That would be too much.

What Happened to Armie Hammer?