sex diaries

The Digital Advertiser Trying Out New Positions With Her Partner

Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher

This week, a woman and her partner try “reverse cowgirl” while working hard from home: 28, Queens, in a relationship.


9:30 a.m. We wake up to my partner’s alarm. I stopped setting alarms during the pandemic because I don’t need that stress.

10:15 a.m. He crawls out of bed to log in for work and I power my laptop on to start the day. My partner and I moved in together a month ago; it’s been quite the adjustment because not only are we both living with a significant other for the first time, but we’re figuring it out during a lockdown. We originally met when we were working at a café together in 2013. I always loved talking to him, but I was already dating another guy who worked at the café, so we were friends until we reconnected in 2016. It’s been almost four years since we’ve been “official,” and we’ve already agreed we want to die together, but marriage isn’t that important to us.

3:30 p.m. I’m a religious follower of Esther Perel and luckily she’s been giving COVID-19 advice for creating desire in intimate relationships right now. She suggested creating space, so I work in the bedroom and my partner works in the living room. It seems to work because he pops his head in often to kiss or chat with me (and I do the same with him).

6:00 p.m. My partner and I like to go for a walk together everyday. Today, I mentioned that I used to use porn for education, not pleasure. Meaning if I wanted to learn a position or sexual act, I would watch porn. He was surprised …

10:15 p.m. After watching like 30 ingrown hair extraction videos on YouTube with my partner, I head to bed to scroll through Instagram until I get sleepy.


8:45 a.m. My partner’s alarm goes off and I start reading the news. I can only look once a day or my anxiety would flare up too often, so I like reading newsletters. I get the gist of what’s happening without getting too deep.

10:00 a.m. We’re both logged in and working. I’m in digital advertising; the pandemic hit some clients pretty hard (fashion retail especially), while other clients (big box giants) are thriving, so I’m pretty busy with those who have the money to advertise while consumers are on lockdown. My partner works for a bank as a UX researcher so he’s pretty busy.

1:45 p.m. Moving in with my partner has me leaning into my fully domesticated self. I’m cooking and cleaning, and surprisingly I actually enjoy it. I’m not sure if this has more to do with traditional gender roles or the fact that I lived alone for nearly ten years and the cooking and cleaning was always up to me.

7:00 p.m. I’m making roasted chicken thighs with spinach potato salad, and my partner loves it! He’s been really impressed with my cooking skills.

9:30 p.m. After dinner, when my boyfriend would usually play video games until 2 a.m. and I would head to bed, he joins me in the bedroom, which makes me super excited as I’m expecting sex to put me to sleep. We have a serious conversation about how our intimacy will have to change now that we live together. Basically, we agreed sex shouldn’t be planned and I should take more control of my pleasure.

9:45 p.m. My partner suggests watching porn together to learn positions where I take more control. I pull out my iPad, scroll through Pornhub, and watch a few videos. I turn to him and asked if I can practice reverse cowgirl. He comes fast that way, and we both fall asleep.


9:30 a.m. We’re both awake, spooning in bed. He pulls my underwear down and starts to finger me. Once I’m wet, he flips me over and enters me gently, kisses my neck. We both come quickly and fall back asleep.

11:00 a.m. It’s Wednesday (I think), so I have several calls and meetings. We’re working hard to keep clients spending.

1:00 p.m. I get dressed to “attend” a live restorative yoga class, just what I need in the middle of the day.

3:15 p.m. My partner pops his head in the bedroom; we move to the bed to cuddle and start kissing immediately. I’m wearing a robe with nothing underneath, and he spreads my legs to lick me. He’s recently discovered the way to get me super wet. I watch us have sex in the mirror we have in front of the bed, then I get on top in reverse cowgirl and I admire my new(ish) ability to take control. We finish with me on my knees.


9:55 a.m. Wake up just in time for my 10 a.m. meeting. I unexpectedly presented a project on the call which had me sweating bullets, but all went well.

11:00 a.m. I take an Uber to Trader Joe’s to go grocery shopping because I refuse to ride the germ-ridden subway again (my bike is on backorder). The line to get in isn’t that long, and I’m in the store in about ten minutes.

3:00 p.m. I call my parents. They live in Chicago, and I obviously haven’t been able to visit them since the pandemic happened, so I do my best to keep in touch as often as I can.

3:30 p.m. Walk out to the living room to chat with my partner, and realize he’s not there! Twenty minutes later he knocks on the bedroom door and surprises me with a huge bouquet of flowers he picked out. I kiss and thank him, feeling really lucky.

10:45 p.m. At night, I show him how to double cleanse, tone, and moisturize.


12:00 p.m. Time for a break from work, so I turn on some music and read articles on my favorite sites.

5:00 p.m. There have been massive layoffs at my company (what else is new?) and I’ve been okay, but I feel guilty thinking about my friends who have lost jobs. I spend some time looking for new positions to ease my anxiety, but I become more anxious when I realize I need to get some new skills if I want to find a remote job that pays close to what I’m making now.

7:00 p.m. Browsing online for stuff I don’t need. I literally have full carts on at least ten sites, but I stop myself from pulling the trigger unless it’s something that I absolutely cannot live without.

9:30 p.m. It’s been a busy day with work and everything else. We haven’t had the space to be intimate.


11:oo a.m. It’s the weekend, so we force ourselves to stay in bed a bit longer.

11:30 a.m.  To prolong my time in bed even more, I pull out the Elena Ferrante book I’m reading to take a break from screens. Since the libraries are closed, I’ve tried to slowly read the five books I managed to check out before they all shuttered.

12:45 p.m. My partner makes roasted potatoes, bacon, and eggs for breakfast. He’s such a great cook.

4:00 p.m. We return home and he starts to kiss me passionately on the sofa. I take his pants off, suck his dick, and turn around to sit on it. When I get tired of squatting he turns me around and enters me from behind, which always feels great. We move to the bedroom and we finish with me on my back.


10:30 a.m. My partner and I make chocolate-chip pancakes for breakfast, which is such a great weekend treat!

11:45 p.m.While my partner gets some work done, I do some yoga to stretch and decompress.

12:45 p.m. I log into Happify to meditate for ten minutes. I used to meditate everyday, but now that I’ve built up the ability to observe my thoughts, I meditate only when I feel fully out of control. Now that we’re in such uncertain times, I’m considering picking up the habit again.

2:00 p.m. My partner went to Manhattan to grab an air conditioner, so I spend the day in Central Park finding my own spot to journal and read. While it feels great to be outside, I miss my partner despite the fact that we’re together nearly 24/7. My friend FaceTimes me so it feels like we’re in the park together.

6:00 p.m. I get home before my partner, so I pour another glass of wine, watch Real Housewives of whatever city and have a laugh.

6:45 p.m. I hear my partner come in the front door and I run to greet him with a kiss and a huge smile on my face, as if I hadn’t seen him just a few hours ago.

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The Advertiser Trying Out New Positions With Her Partner