Earlier this week, a full month before the official start of summer, “Page Six” came boldly out of the gate and named the upcoming season’s “hottest bikini trend.” It is the one pictured above, which the outlet has dubbed a “backless bandeau.” But perhaps you, like me, happen to know the style by its more common name: a face mask.
For the past few weeks, celebs including Kendall Jenner, Vanessa Hudgens, and Bella Hadid have gravitated toward this “skimpy rectangle of fabric” as their bathing-suit top of choice, inspiring “Page Six” to identify the it as a hot item. But I will not be convinced that the tiny cloth, which bears a striking resemblance to the scrap I’ve been wrapping around the part of my face that emits respiratory droplets, is something you’re intended to wear on your upper torso. And even if it were, how is anyone bigger than a B-cup supposed to wear this thing? Must we larger-jugged women fashion a hybrid cross-halter version, in which we nestle each boob into its own mask (by “mask,” I guess I mean bathing suit cup)?
I have to admit that the trend, while not for everyone, is inarguably convenient. As Memorial Day approaches, bringing with it the promise of summer, you don’t even have to do any bathing suit shopping. Instead, simply slide your face mask down you body about a foot or so, and you’ve got yourself a “backless bandeau.” As a designer once said: “Fashions fade, style is eternal.”