Parrots are pretty spicy creatures as far as the animal kingdom goes. Childhood cartoons show us their powers of mimicry are often the key to solving mysteries, and men who wear them on their heads at bars possess an eerie self-confidence. But this parrot friend group I am about to tell you about may be the most fascinating, the most indecent, of them all.
Five gray parrots that had been enjoying a stint at the Lincolnshire Wildlife Park in England have been split up and shielded from public view after continuously firing off a glorious stream of swear words at park staff and guests. The parrots had been donated to the park just days before their removal and had met each other not long before that. According to CNN the African grey parrots came to the park through five separate owners, but had briefly been quarantined in the same enclosure before arriving at the park. Park officials cited concern over child visitors — who pick up language a bit like parrots themselves — as a main reason for the birds’ hasty removal.
The venue’s chief executive Steve Nichols told CNN on Tuesday that the parrots, “just went ballistic, they were all swearing.” Nichols lamented, “I get called a fat t**t every time I walk past.” Keeping in mind this is England I’m guessing that’s “fat tart,” but these are some pretty foul-mouth parrots, it could be even worse than that! He went on, “They literally, within a very short period of time, started swearing at each other,” their prodigious repertoire of curse words quickly growing to encompass “anything you can think of.” They even have a favorite swear, and it’s “fuck off,” because, according to Nichols, that’s very easy for them to learn.
Nichols added that the facility is accustomed to dealing with swearing parrots: “It probably happens three or four times a year.” But the increase in parrot donations this year (presumably because people can no longer stand to be trapped in their homes with loving pets who daily read them back a transcript of their foul-mouthed descent into madness) has caused a chain reaction of cursing parrots squawking obscenities. Furthermore, Business Insider reports that while the birds were in quarantine their naughty language made staff members laugh, encouraging the parrots to do it more. According to Insider, “The parrots started to equate swear words with laughter and would start laughing at their own obscenities.” Just like when I read Portnoy’s Complaint aloud to my boyfriend.
I say let the parrots reunite, and be a monument to our collective frustrations, and have a bit of fun.