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January Jones Under Investigation for Having a Really Good Instagram

Unbothered, as usual. Photo: @januaryjones/Instagram

Well, it looks like the National Enquirer has just discovered January Jones’s Instagram account, and they are scandalized by what they saw: a long scroll of immensely flattering selfies, punctuated occasionally by photos of boldly geometric childhood haircuts and Mad Men memes. But it’s the actor’s vast propensity for being hot on main that has the tabloid’s undies all in a twist. It appears Jones is now under investigation for having a really good Instagram.

On Tuesday, Jones posted a screenshot of what looks like a legal request, giving her and her people an opportunity to comment on a coming story. According to the Enquirer, Jones’s “attention-grabbing bikini pictures and social media posts” have “worried” some of her alleged pals. The tabloid’s sources “claim her content smacks of a ‘desperate cry for attention’ and note that her acting work appears to have dried up before then [sic] pandemic took hold.”

Characteristically unbothered by the allegations, Jones shared a screenshot of the email with her followers. “Shit. They’ve discovered my secret,” she wrote in the caption. “Consider this my public apology to my ‘friends.’” Which, yeah, some friends!

To be clear, Jones’s Instagram aesthetic has always been “supremely hot weirdo.” People paint her as an ice queen, but really it seems like she is disarmingly blunt. She gives no outward indication of ever caring what anyone thinks. True, her selfie production has scaled up during quarantine because, as she makes abundantly clear via her content — consider the caption on one June post: “Out of work actor needs attention” — she has spent the past few months bored at home. Therefore, we get to watch Jones brew “humans stew” baths (a powerful caftan’d witch), learn to tap dance, and play with action figures of herself. It’s basically the same sort of thing she’s always posted, only slightly more unhinged and at a higher volume. Personally, I welcome it!

Naturally, there was never any way the National Enquirer, of all publications, could get Jones to start giving a fuck now. So she was back on her business within the hour, posting another bikini pic with a subtle message for all those concerned friends.

January Jones Investigated for Stellar Instagram Presence