Sorry, Denmark Launched a Kids’ Show About a Man With a Massive What Now?

John Dillermand, a Danish animated children series.
John Dillermand, an extraordinarily well-endowed king. Photo: DRTV

A brand-new children’s television show has debuted in Denmark, and, well, it’s making quite the splash. At the center of the animated series, John Dillermand, is John himself, who, on the surface, appears to be a relatively unassuming man. But concealed underneath his little red and white onesie is something hugely remarkable: an extraordinarily long prehensile dick — the world’s biggest — that is capable of impressive feats of strength and dexterity.

Perhaps you may be struggling to process the information put before you, so allow me to go through it more slowly. According to the Guardian, John is just a normal guy who simply wants to go about his day, but, the thing is, he has a schlong the size of a Burmese python that is also capable of snakelike movement and has an unruly agenda of its own. In the show, the penis snatches ice-cream cones from kids, grills sausages, and steals coins from buskers. Indeed, John Dillermand is targeted toward kids — those between the ages of 4 and 8 — and airs on DR Ramasjang, a network comparable to PBS Kids.

As one might expect, the show, which premiered last weekend, has elicited some vehement responses. “As a parent, I am mildly shaken and shocked by the line you are currently choosing,” reads one Facebook comment. “I am deeply outraged and think it is SO perverse and inappropriate television for young children.” In an interview with the Guardian, Christian Groes, a gender researcher at Roskilde University, said of the show, “It’s perpetuating the standard idea of a patriarchal society and normalizing ‘locker-room culture’ … that’s been used to excuse a lot of bad behavior from men. It’s meant to be funny — so it’s seen as harmless. But it’s not. And we’re teaching this to our kids.”

Though the program does have its defenders. Such as family psychologist Erla Heinesen Højsted, who sees John as a caring man who means no harm. He is “impulsive and not always in control, who makes mistakes — like kids do, but, crucially, Dillermand always makes it right,” Højsted told the Guardian. “He takes responsibility for his actions. When a woman in the show tells him that he should keep his penis in his pants, for instance, he listens. Which is nice. He is accountable.”

DR Ramasjang, too, is standing behind the program, responding to the criticism that the show is intended to make kids laugh and pointing out that it could’ve easily created a program “about a woman with no control over her vagina.” I don’t think anyone is advocating for that one, but okay. Anyhow, as an objective 27-year-old with no children of my own, I am thoroughly intrigued and look forward to viewing the show at my earliest convenience.

There’s a Danish Kids’ Show About a Man With a Huge What?