sex diaries

The Happily Partnered Woman Who Dreams of Having a Threesome

Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher

This week, a woman who has sweet sex with her partner and touches herself in the bathtub when they aren’t around: 29, in a relationship, Los Angeles.

DAY ONE

5:45 a.m. My neighbors have a newborn with lungs on him and when he’s up, I’m up. It’s annoying, but there’s nothing to be done about it, really. I’m also hungover, which doesn’t help. After a while I decide to get up and go for a run and sweat out the toxins.

11 a.m. I get to work on my computer. I’m fully remote, and always was. But first I look at the note on my desk. It’s from my partner, Tia. It says, “Love you Boo-Boo.” They’re away for two weeks visiting their sister. I started dating Tia (who’s nonbinary) two years ago, and we moved in together last year. We’re monogamous, and our sex life is pretty predictable (although predictably hot) and luckily my job keeps me feeling sexy too. I do marketing for a queer pornography site. I watch a lot of porn and I have no problem masturbating two or three — okay, sometimes four — times a day.

8 p.m. I take a bath and decide to make it romantic for myself: candles, oils, everything. Lately when I masturbate I think about my partner. We don’t have a lot of sex anymore — maybe twice a month — but it’s heavenly when we do!

DAY TWO

9 a.m. Tia’s coming home tonight. I clean up for them. The goal is to do some cooking. Which means going to the market, buying some pre-made food, and pretending I cooked it.

12:30 p.m. Vibrator break! I start watching porn, but it’s too intense for me, so I switch to another, nicer one. I can watch pussy being eaten till the end of time. I get off, wash my hands, and decide on where to grocery shop.

3 p.m. Out shopping. I am a flirt. I like to flirt with everyone remotely good-looking. At Whole Foods, I see several men and women who I would like to engage with in a romantic way. I don’t, of course, but I like to think about it. I’m not a woman of faith but I’m a faithful woman!

8 p.m. Pre-made meatballs are on the stove and I’m boiling pasta. Wine popped. Tia is almost home … I can’t wait to kiss them. We do not have a perfect relationship — money is a big stressor, and we get on each other’s nerves — however, I am thankful for them. I am thankful to have a person. A very special, loving person. That is a true gift.

10 p.m. We’re drinking wine, smoking weed, and talking about Tia’s trip to their sister’s house. There was some drama. I’m happy to listen to it but also would like to fuck my partner. “Hey, um, do you want to release some tension right now and continue telling me these stories in the morning?” I say, hoping it comes across as charming.

11 p.m. We’re in bed doing some slow sex, taking turns on each other, drawing out the yearning of it all. I like it this way. After we both come, we fall asleep in each other’s arms.

DAY THREE

10 a.m. Tia and I both get to work. They work for a sneaker company and I’m doing my porno sites, and we try to leave each other alone. They make me a cup of tea, which is very sweet. We live in a studio apartment so it’s tight quarters … there are at least a few times a day where I’m sure they wish I was not there, and the feeling is mutual. Oh well!

4 p.m. Sometimes I pull Tia over to look at a new video we’re posting. It’s normally a little awkward watching porn midday even with a partner who you have sex with, but today it turns us on (I think because they’ve been gone for so long). Tia goes down on me while I pretend to try and work. I actually can’t come because of the position I’m in in my chair — nothing’s really hitting me in the right place — but I tell them they can finish me off tonight. It’s still hot!

9 p.m. We’re fucking again and this time with toys. It’s delightful. “Don’t wake the sleeping baby,” I whisper in their ear. Something about pretending to be heteronormative parents like that makes us both even more aggressively horny.

DAY FOUR

7:45 a.m. I’m up and dressed to go to the gynecologist. One of the more unpleasant things that happened to me before I met Tia was that I contracted herpes. It’s actually not that big of a deal other than having to tell new partners, and Tia was chill about it. Today I’m having an annual exam but I also want to ask my doctor about delivering a baby when you have herpes; I’ve read conflicting things about it online. We’re not pregnant but one day we’d like to be. I’m getting myself all informed!

11:30 a.m. The appointment is over. The doctor allayed my fears and walked me through a couple different scenarios. I kind of knew this already but it felt good to hear if from the doc. When I get home I tell Tia and they seem pretty much indifferent. I hope that’s because they were muted on a conference call when I told them, and not because they don’t actually want to have kids with me someday.

7 p.m. Wine with ordered-in burritos for dinner. I ask Tia what that was all about … them not caring too much about the details of my gyno appointment. They say it was terrible timing on my part — they were on a work call when I busted in blabbing about herpes and babies and other vaginal findings. They have a point, but it still felt cold.

9 p.m. We decide to watch a new TV show before bed. It’s not great, but I like it.

DAY FIVE

8 a.m. Tia makes me their special coffee with frothed milk this morning and says something to the effect of, “Hello, would you like to talk about your reproductive organs with me?” I appreciate that. I appreciate them.

8:30 a.m. We drink coffee and kiss and it’s all good. We say we want to get through COVID and then start talking about options. I’m not even 30 yet so there’s no reason to rush. It’s fun to think about though!

4 p.m. Work is crazy right now, and while it doesn’t affect me too much personally, I sure don’t envy our in-house lawyer. Oof!

9 p.m. We’re smoking weed and eating frozen pizzas and potato chips like teenagers and I love it.

DAY SIX

9 a.m. Tia has to visit an on-site location for their job so I’m home alone most of the day. I try to masturbate to the female lead from this show we’ve been watching, but I’m just not that into her! The guy in the series isn’t bad. I used to sleep with guys. I don’t really miss it, but sometimes I miss their penises. The last time I slept with a man was in my early 20s. I’ve been with only women or queer-identifiying people for about seven years now.

2 p.m. Weekly Zoom with my whole family — parents, siblings, etc. They’re amazing. They love Tia. All they care about is that we have kids soon. They’re conservative in that way. You can fuck anyone you want, but you best have kids by 30!

5 p.m. Bored, so I masturbate again, this time to a new porn star on our site. She’s beautiful. In a pre-COVID world, I would sometimes see these people at events. I’ve always been very professional so I don’t flirt or get drunk with any of them, but I think after COVID, I’m going to have a more free-spirited attitude. I would like to bring someone home to Tia. They would be into that. We’ve never had a threesome but we’re still young and evolving. Give it time!

9 p.m. Tia and I are reading in bed. How quaint. I try to get sexy with them by wrapping myself around their body and feeling them up, and they say I have garlic breath from our Chinese takeout; they’re not wrong. I’ve already brushed twice too.

DAY SEVEN

10:15 a.m. We have decided to be outdoorsy today. We’re going to hike and bike.

1:30 p.m. Hike is done. Now we want lunch! We decide to sit outside somewhere and get daytime drinks. We don’t do this much because of our budgets but we’re feeling bold.

2:15 p.m. By the time we pick a place, we just feel weird about being out and doing things in the world while COVID cases are spiking. We decide to go back home and drink cheap rosé on our little balcony.

5 p.m. We finished the bottle. It’s so weird being at home all the time. Whenever I get drunk now, I either get kind of down about it or all crazy in a fun way. Right now, luckily for everyone associated with me, I’m feeling crazy. Tia and I dance and kiss and FaceTime with our friends and family. It’s all good. We’re a little drunk, and can’t leave the house, but we got each other and that’s enough!

Want to submit a sex diary? Email sexdiaries@nymag.com and tell us a little about yourself (and read our submission terms here.)

The Happily Partnered Woman Who Dreams of Having a Threesome