screen time

Would You Invest $76,000 on Birkenstocks Made of Birkin Bags?

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Courtesy of Birkenstock

Now more than ever, people are experiencing fashion through their phones. In โ€œScreen Time,โ€ fashion writer Emilia Petrarca shares all the screenshots, double taps, and swipes she made this week.

Well, it finally happened: I smashed my iPhone.

It was an accident. I whipped it out of my coat pocket while walking to the post office this week, and it flew right out of my hands. Somehow, I managed to catch it in between my elbow and my hip bone mid-flight, so I crouched down in the middle of the sidewalk in order to deposit it to the ground. But it still cracked!!

This is where I confess that Iโ€™m one of those people who doesnโ€™t have an iPhone case. I know, I know. But Iโ€™ve managed to live a case-free lifestyle up until this point with no hiccups! Sigh.

Itโ€™s not that big of a deal (yet). But this blunder did make me think about investments. Recently, after cleaning out my closet and racking up a significant amount of RealReal credits, I decided that I would cash in and buy one really nice thing for myself โ€” as opposed to a handful of less expensive little things. Something about as expensive as an iPhone, I imagined โ€ฆ until I smashed my iPhone.

Itโ€™s nerve-racking making an investment. My phone is probably the most expensive thing Iโ€™ve ever purchased for myself, and I remember feeling physically ill when I bought it. I always worry that Iโ€™m making the wrong decision. Will my older self regret this choice in five years? Will my grandkids thank me for it? What if I spill on it? Or drop it? Clearly, I canโ€™t be trusted with nice things.

Cleaning out my closet shook me, in a good way. Iโ€™ve stopped buying so much cheap, dumb stuff, which means I have a little more pocket money to invest in expensive, slightly-less-dumb stuff. But I still donโ€™t know if itโ€™s smarter to invest in something wild and unique, or on something simple but well-made that I could wear forever. Is the former just a splurge? Is there a difference? All I know is that I donโ€™t even know my grandkids (they could be brats!), and that itโ€™s probably best to just follow your heart like that GameStop guy. And invest in an iPhone case.

Below, my week in aspirational scrolling.

A $76,000 Investment

When youโ€™re Future, investing in shoes means buying โ€œthe most exclusive sandal ever made.โ€ This week, he shared on Instagram his new pair of โ€œBirkinstocks,โ€ which, as their name implies, are sandals made out of deconstructed Hermรจs Birkin bags by a brand called MSCHF. โ€œWeโ€™re just sort of fascinated with destroying expensive things and creating something new out of them,โ€ Daniel Greenberg, the 23-year-old โ€œhead of strategyโ€ at MSCHF told the Times. Birkin bags can go for around $12,000 to $200,000, and some have famously sold for a lot more than that. Time once called them โ€œa better investment than gold.โ€ But what about when theyโ€™re cut up into little pieces and turned into hippie shoes? MSCHF has only made about ten of the sandals, and they range in price from $34,000 to $76,000, making them a pretty good deal in comparison to a bag. Clearly, Future thought they were a good investment. And you know what? I agree. Congratulations, Future. Just donโ€™t leave your house in them!

Another Worthwhile Purchase

This week, Julienโ€™s Auctions announced that it would be offering a โ€œcascade of priceless treasuresโ€ amassed by none other than Janet Jackson over the course of her career. The list of 1,000 items for sale includes outfits and costumes sheโ€™s worn on red carpets, onstage, and in music videos. Two standouts include her 2009 MTV Video Music Awards โ€œScreamโ€ performance costume, plus the silver coat she wore in the intergalactic โ€œScreamโ€ music video. (Rewatch here, NOW.) The bidding starts on Jacksonโ€™s birthday weekend in May. (Yes, of course Janet Jackson has a birthday weekend.) So start saving!

From left: โ€œScreamโ€ music video coat2009 MTV Video Music Awards โ€œScreamโ€ performance costume Photo: Courtesy of Julienโ€™s Auctions
From left: โ€œScreamโ€ music video coat2009 MTV Video Music Awards โ€œScreamโ€ performance costume Photo: Courtesy of Julienโ€™s Auctions

A More Practical Investment

After seeing Rihanna wear this pistachio-green faux-fur hat by Emma Brewin, I had to have a fuzzy headpiece for myself. But I didnโ€™t want to drop 320 euros, so I found this good dupe by Clyde. Itโ€™s extremely soft and warm. I ended up buying it in black because Iโ€™m a coward and that color was on sale. Not all of us can be Rihanna or Future.

An Image That Made Me Do a Double Take

A black turtleneck in the ocean! Now thatโ€™s commitment.

A Tweet That Opened My Eyes

A TikTok That Made Me Laugh

Daily Average Screen Time This Week: 3h25m

Down 7 percent from last week. Shrug!

Would You Spend $76,000 on Birkenstocks Made of Birkin Bags?