This Facial Piercing Is So Stressful to Me

Lil Uzi Vert got a $24 million diamond implanted in his forehead, as is his right, but oh my God, what if it gets ripped out of his face???? Photo: @liluzivert/Instagram

You remember the man with the penis pearl, yes? The pearl heir who used to have multiple samples of his family’s product embedded in his member, only one “popped out” due to infection, so now he has a sole pearl sitting on his shaft “like a dorsal fin on a shark”? I never thought I would encounter a more stressful procedure, but here we are, in February 2021, and rapper Lil Uzi Vert has implanted a massive pink diamond in his forehead. I cannot emphasize this enough: Ouch!

To be clear, the Eternal Atake artist does not appear to be in any kind of distress; on the contrary, he seems thrilled with his purchase, which he has been paying for since 2017 because, at “ten, almost 11, carats,” the diamond cost $24 million. That, according to Lil Uzi, is more than the value of all his cars and his home! And now that whole huge sum lives on his face!! The stone is his favorite material possession, he thinks it came out great, and he is “literally tryna turn into a Diamond,” so on the one hand, I am happy for him. It’s his face, and he is absolutely entitled to do what he wants with it. But on the other hand, I keep thinking about this salient appendage getting hooked on his shirt while he’s undressing and then … blood everywhere. Pain!! Agony, even!!

As a person who has seen her own ear piercing dislodged by … hair, pillowcases, who even knows, I am sweating over the possibilities here. And it appears I am not the only one. Vice journalist Alex Zaragoza spoke to a handful of professional piercers who confirmed that the risk of aggravating a dermal piercing — i.e., a piercing attached to an anchor inserted under the dermis, rather than through it — is relatively high during the healing phase. Particularly when you are dealing with a big stone set in a thin-skinned area, there’s an elevated chance of infection, scarring, or keloid formation if you don’t take very careful care of it. Ideally, you don’t want to disturb the piercing while it heals, only that’s a tall order given this particular placement. Matt Mayfield, a piercer at New York City’s trendy Love Adorned, told Zaragoza:

Putting on a T-shirt just got way more tricky, and risky, for Lil Uzi. Surface piercings need minimal movement to heal properly. Any excess of snagging or pulling is going to cause the piercing to migrate, and once it starts to push out of the skin, the clock is ticking, and eventually the jewelry makes its way out of the skin. With a piercing like this, the best way to keep some skin in the game is to go small, heal, then go big.

Which is to say, the diamond could also “pop out,” just like that penis pearl. Plus, setting aside any concerns Lil Uzi may have about accidentally snagging the piercing on his clothes, or jostling it in his sleep, or simply bumping his head, as happens to all of us sometimes, it would apparently also be quite easy for someone to rip the diamond out of his face. Again, blood everywhere! I, personally, would be extra worried about this prospect given that the public now knows exactly how much the diamond is worth, but, again, that’s my own anxiety speaking. Lil Uzi appears utterly unruffled by these hypotheticals. I’m sure he got an exhaustive lecture about after-care. He has insurance for the rock, and he probably also has a vigilant security team. And, well, it does catch the light nicely, so long as he stays away from loose knits.

This Facial Piercing Is So Stressful to Me