Despite being eternally 12 years old, Mariah Carey got her first round of the coronavirus vaccine over the weekend. I know what you are thinking: Aren’t all people who are 12 years old currently ineligible to be vaxxed? Due to the available vaccine options not yet being approved for children, and all that? The answer to both questions is ostensibly yes, although apparently, exceptions can be made for those who are truly 12 in perpetuity; frozen in time thanks to forces outside their control, and therefore preserved against the forward march of birthdays. See as evidence: Mariah, an adult woman who famously has not aged since childhood, and who nonetheless documented her vaccination experience for the masses on Saturday.
“They’re having a medical narrative,” she says in a video posted to Instagram, talking over the team of doctors and/or nurses discussing the process in the foreground, “but I’m here, excited and nervous a little bit, about getting this shot.” Wearing sunglasses while she sits in an exam room with the window shades drawn — a clue? — Mariah banters her way through the prep phase and hits a couple high notes when the needle goes into her arm. But when she notices that the shot left no blood at the injection site, she confirms for the camera what you maybe already suspected.
“I’ve proven my point,” she says. “I am actually a vampire.”
Which, yeah, I mean … looking at the math, there really couldn’t ever have been another explanation. Personally I am just glad to have this all out in the open.