Oh No, Not Flirty Emails

Sigh Photo: Paul Bruinooge/Patrick McMullan

Ugh, emails: Universally agreed to be the worst. I do not know if it’s their crushing volume, or the way they bleed work life into personal life, or the expectation of formal response they carry; emails are stressful and distinctly unsexy. But surprise, surprise, they may also be Ben Affleck’s chosen medium for flirting? At least as regards his past and (rumored-to-be) present squeeze, Jennifer Lopez. Whereas we had initially assumed that Bennifer 2.0 emerged from some rebound texting between exes, TMZ now reports that the catalyst for their reunion may actually have been flirty emails. It appears Affleck may have started spamming his former fiancée months ago, before she had broken off her engagement. I know, I know: A successful seduction via email? Shocking if true!

And yet, sources with “direct knowledge” of the emails suggested that Affleck first hit send in February, when J.Lo arrived in the Dominican Republic to shoot Shotgun Wedding, and things were maybe already rocky with A-Rod. How Affleck might’ve known this, I couldn’t say, but he had just gone through a split of his own (with Ana de Armas), so perhaps he was doing some sexy fishing. Anyway, the tabloid reports that he saw photos of J.Lo on location, and in classic helicopter-ex fashion, emailed her to tell her “how beautiful she looked and how much he wished he could be down there with her.” The sources say he then began “flooding” her inbox with “loving and longing” messages, including one that touted his ability to “‘own her heart’ with his pen.”

Barf, but also, unsurprising. Honestly this seems like the least Ben Affleck would do. Remember that time, in 2002, when he took out half-page ads in Variety and the Hollywood Reporter, singing J.Lo’s praises before they even started dating? Remember that time, for InStyle’s April cover story, when he went on the record talking about how hot and talented he still finds her? Remember the daily installments of staged-seeming PDA that characterized his last relationship? Remember his weird video message to that comedian who unmatched him on Raya? Courtship over email is Ben Affleck through and through. I can hear his whispery intro line echoing inside my skull, bewildered and impatient for romance: “Jennifer, why haven’t you responded, it’s me.”

Oh No, Not Flirty Emails