My knives? Oh, they’re out. In March, Netflix revealed they’d be releasing not one but two sequels to the 2019 murder-mystery hit Knives Out. In addition to the return of Daniel Craig and his buck-wild accent, a handful of new cast members have been announced for the forthcoming movie: Dave Bautista, Edward Norton, and, most recently, Janelle Monáe and Kathryn Hahn. To which I say, gimme.
A release date for Knives Out 2 hasn’t been announced just yet, which I am taking personally. However, filming is slated to start June 28 in Greece. Consequently, I’ve decided I am slated to be in Greece at that time as well.
Director Rian Johnson hasn’t released any plot details about the sequel, which I’m temporarily calling 2 Knives 2 Out. But that will not stop me from wild story speculation, or giving Johnson some ideas he can have for the low, low price of giving me my murder movie sequel ASAP.
So, here you go Rian — do what you will with these Knives Out part deux ideas:
- Anya Taylor-Joy in a murdery, Thoroughbreds-esque role
- A battle royale of all the A24 men
- Patti Harrison as the owner of many exotic pets — maybe one “dumb, fat-ass spaghetti” snake inherits a yacht? (I’m just spitballing here.)
- Laura Dern doing TikTok dances
- Harry Styles and Lizzo as flirty detectives
- Riz Ahmed, Steven Yeun, and Daniel Kaluuya looking to camera and telling me I’m doing a good job
- A cameo by the discarded cardboard cut-out of Ana De Armas
In lieu of Chris Evan’s cable-knit sweaters, the public requests donations be made in the form of Christopher Meloni stretching in dress pants.