burning questions

What to Do With an ‘Entire Bucket’ of Teeth?

Teeth! Teeth! Teeth! TEETH! Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

Sometimes, life hands you lemons; other times, it hands you an “entire bucket full of teeth.” Either way, the universe seems to expect that you will turn your crappy, unasked-for bounty into an inventive treat, which feels like an imposition — particularly when we are talking about teeth. Fortunately, though, Victoria Beckham is gathering solutions. Thank you, Victoria Beckham!

On Saturday, Posh Spice put the question to her Instagram followers. “I’ve got another tooth to add to my collection,” she wrote, explaining that she had just played Tooth Fairy to her daughter. “What do all the mummies and daddies do with all the collected teeth? I’ve got an entire bucket full of all my kids’ teeth. What do we do with them?”

Please keep in mind, Beckham has four children — Brooklyn, 22; Romeo, 18; Cruz, 16; and Harper, 9 — and four children shed a lot of teeth over the years. At this point, she must have an embarrassment of riches to work with. Suggestions for repurposing the teeny chompers included, but probably were not limited to:

• Don’t, just throw them away!

• Return them to the appropriate child with a note “saying the tooth had been rejected due to poor brushing,” and make the kid deal with their own bodily detritus

• Hide them in the candy bowl at Halloween

• Dip them in gold and wear them as jewelry

That last proposal came from Nicola Peltz, Brooklyn’s fiancée, who had one of his wisdom teeth gold-plated and strung on a necklace. (He wears one of hers, too; he also has a photorealistic tattoo of her eyes on the back of his neck, spooky!) Beckham reportedly deemed this idea her favorite, although she has not heard mine yet, which is: Use the teeth to make little dentures for stuffed animals and dolls. Or send them to Justin Bieber as a thank-you for the heinous crocs!

What to Do With an ‘Entire Bucket’ of Teeth?