Can You Relate to Keira Knightley’s Pandemic?

Photo: Gareth Cattermole/Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images

It’s no secret that the celebs were losing it during lockdown. January Jones heard the word “mask” and took it as a chance to showcase her Venetian carnival-mask collection and the now-iconic LED mask. Madonna was doing parodies of her own songs, changing the lyrics of “Vogue” to “Come on, go / Let’s go eat some fried fish.” A weird time was had by all, not the least of whom was Keira Knightley.

In a recent interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Knightley talked about what she’s been up to for the past year. Like the rest of us, she was often stuck inside for days on end trying to keep herself and her family entertained. Unlike the rest of us, she is Keira Knightley. Based on her buck-wild account, I cannot decide if she had the most- or least-relatable experience during lockdown.

On one hand, at the beginning of lockdown, she and her family often dressed up to boost morale. “We have a trampoline in our garden,” she said, “and we decided we were only allowed to wear dresses on it.” Okay, a point for I Cannot Relate. She also said her husband was only allowed to bounce if he was in one of his “array of peacock-coloured Gucci suits.” Personally, I would love to make my husband bounce on a trampoline in Gucci but, alas, I own neither Gucci nor a trampoline.

She also said, “I put on red lipstick every day, and every bit of Chanel that I have in my cupboard” early on in the pandemic. Hmm, in theory, I too put on every bit of Chanel I own (none), but am physically unwell at the idea of wearing red lipstick every day during early quarantine.

However, Knightley also talked about her husband sanitizing apples by boiling them until they turned brown. Yes, Keira, I can relate! Remember when we were disinfecting groceries and handling our produce with latex gloves? “That was a really weird time,” Knightley said, “us dressed in really bright clothes, boiling apples!”

In addition to squishy apples, Knightley’s husband got into cooking vegetables “sourced from regenerative farms.” “But I’m not a big root-veg fan,” Knightley admitted, “and in these regenerative boxes we were getting — this is so middle-class, I can’t bear it — there were four celeriac. And I hate celeriac!” Excuse me, but … does Keira Knightley — who just moments ago was discussing her trampoline with a Gucci-only dress code — think she’s middle-class??

Knightley said that, at one point, when her husband suggested he cook the celeriac rather than order food in, Knightley threw the vegetable on the floor. (“It made quite a thunk.”) Okay, Keira. You got me there. I, too, would love to throw a celery root at my husband when he disagrees about whether we should get takeout. “I didn’t realise I could feel so strongly about a vegetable,” she said.

While part of me still refuses to believe that Knightly spent the pandemic regularly dressing up in Chanel and wearing red lipstick around the house, she did very aptly summarize the past 15 months: “When you’re in a scenario like this, and you know there’s nothing you can do but stay at home, you realise the utter frivolousness of your existence.” Stars — even in a pandemic, they’re just like us!

Can You Relate to Keira Knightley’s Pandemic?