it happens!

And Now You Are Attracted to a Centaur

And just like that… Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

It has come to my attention that a great many of you are out there, publicly thirsting for noted tall Adam Driver. It has come to Burberry’s attention, too. The label appointed our Big Handsome Man the big handsome face of its new fragrance, Hero, an ad for which features a shirtless Driver, splashing around on a beach with a horse while FKA Twigs plays sexily in the background. Before we get to the meat of this flirty little campaign, we should really set the mood, so: Please brace for promotional stills.

Here’s our large lad, striding toward you through the water with pecs blazing, wet and wispy and full of purpose. Is this doing anything for you?

No? Well, how about Adam Driver and his arm vein riding bareback, big powerful mitts suggestively tugging his horse’s ponytail.

How are you feeling now? Into it? Like you’d really rather know where all of this is headed? Okay, let’s go: Here’s Driver, sprinting toward the sea with intention; here’s this horse, seemingly doing just fine at swimming, with or without Driver clinging to its back; here is the water, swirling sensually around two bodies; here is … a horse-man?? The beach turned this molto grande boy into a centaur???

At the end of this journey, I bet you are feeling confused, and certainly there are questions worth asking here: Who is the hero? Did Driver save the horse (no) or did the horse save him? And does it really matter if two become one? And while I do not want to make assumptions about your sexual preferences, I do want to apologize, because you may now find yourself attracted to an utterly unattainable centaur. Possibly that is the most confusing part of all.

And Now You Are Attracted to a Centaur