I’m Not Sorry Ashton Kutcher Never Went to Space

None for me, thanks Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis: a couple I usually don’t think about all that often, and who have nonetheless infiltrated my brain space on two separate occasions this week. The first of these incidents occurred yesterday, when I learned that these two did not bathe their babies regularly, but rather, spot-cleaned them as needed. (Yes, agree.) The second occurred mere minutes ago, when I learned that, in hindsight, Kunis thinks it was “selfish” of her to stop her husband from going to space. (No, disagree.)

Some context: Earlier this month, just after Richard Branson became the first billionaire to visit (the edge of) space, Kutcher disclosed that he actually had tickets for one of Branson’s Virgin Galactic flights. But Kunis, he said, “basically encouraged that it was not a smart family decision to be heading into space when we have young children,” and so he sold back his spot. Now, Kunis tells People, she regrets making this request. “I know I hate it,” she said. “The fact that I didn’t let him go into space was so selfish of me, but I was a new mom and I was like, ‘You can’t leave me and the babies.’” She explained:

We get together nine years ago and he was like, “I have a ticket to go to space.” I was like, “Oh, okay.” I was like, “That’s fun, have fun.”

Years goes by then all of a sudden we have a baby and he’s like, “I’m going into space.” And I was like, “That’s irresponsible, you cannot have… This is not what you do. You are a father.” … I was all so hormonal and I was like, “You can’t, you’re going to die. The thing’s going to explode and you’re going to die — and you’re going to leave me with the babies.”

Personally, I am not convinced that it is selfish or unreasonable to ask your partner to please refrain from departing on a totally voluntary bit of space tourism while you stay here on Earth, pregnant and parenting alone. I am also not convinced that Kunis is correct in her belief that “now it’s too late” for Kutcher to go to space. Two billionaire boys have launched themself to the atmospheric brink in the past three weeks alone, and whereas astronauts may spend years preparing for a mission on the International Space Station, space voyeur Jeff Bezos (for example) put in a mere 14 hours of training before blasting off in his penis rocket last week. Space is becoming way too accessible to the megawealthy: Both Bezos and Branson are also selling spots on their voyages to anyone who can afford it, and Kutcher was one such buyer. He has not hung up his spacesuit forever; he has merely deferred the trip, vowing, “At some point, I will be going to space.”

Billionaires aren’t doing space travel for any justifiable reason, like scientific advancement (better left to the professionals anyway); they’re going because they can, and because they expect that one day, that capability will turn a profit. Bezos, for example, returned from his 11-minute joyride musing about how we should move “all polluting industry” — does this include Amazon? — off this planet and into the final frontier. Obviously this man should never be allowed in space again, nor should any of his rich friends and rivals. Astronauts only, please!

I’m Not Sorry Ashton Kutcher Never Went to Space