This Is What Greets You at the Gates of Hell

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese — and I cannot stress this enough — ice cream. Photo: Kraft

Must we challenge God every day? Is there no respite from our dystopian nightmare? What broken, deranged part of my brain is a little bit curious how this Kraft Macaroni & Cheese ice cream tastes? Yes, you read those words correctly: Kraft Mac & Cheese–flavored ice cream. Bow before its terrifying glory.

You can thank/blame Kraft and ice cream company Van Leeuwen for this earthly abomination. Per a press release, the ice cream combines the “familiar cheesiness” of Kraft with ice cream, which is a very casual way of saying, “Yeah, we put that Day-Glo orange powder in here.”

This begs the obvious question: Why tho? “We know that there is nothing more refreshing on a hot summer day than ice cream,” Emily Violett, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese brand manager, said in the press release. “That is why we wanted to combine two of the most iconic comfort foods to create an ice cream with the unforgettable flavor of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese we all grew up with.” Yes. Makes sense. Summer is ice cream time, ice cream is comfort food, mac ’n’ cheese is also comfort food, and we all deserve to be punished. Violett also says that this affront to humanity tastes “delicious” and “contains no artificial flavors, preservatives, or dyes just like our Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.” Okay. Sure, Emily.

While this is all most likely a ploy to get people to talk about Kraft and Van Leeuwen — a ploy that’s working, clearly — you can actually buy the mac ’n’ cheese ice cream. Or at least you could before the site appeared to crash from so much traffic and eventually sold out in just a few hours. Incredible. If only we could use our collective human power for good …

UPDATE: I managed to try the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese ice cream before it sold out and regret to inform you that … it’s kinda good. There’s definitely a funky cheese-adjacent aftertaste, but the ice cream itself is perfectly edible and tastes oddly like caramel to me? Please respect my privacy during this time.

This piece has been updated.

This Is What Greets You at the Gates of Hell