But Why Was He Wearing Two Shirts?

Alan Dershowitz and Larry David Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

A mystery unfolds on Martha’s Vineyard, where scumbag attorney Alan Dershowitz recently got into a grocery-store dust-up with Curb Your Enthusiasm creator Larry David. According to the witness who tipped off “Page Six” and also transcribed the dialogue, David went off on Dershowitz when they ran into each other at “the island’s picturesque convenience store and community hub, Chilmark General Store.”

The intrigue does not lie in the reported screaming match itself: The liberal elites who summer on the island have reportedly been snubbing Dershowitz for years. In addition to being a known troll, Dershowitz has defended Donald Trump against impeachment, Jeffrey Epstein against allegations of child sex trafficking, and O.J. Simpson against murder charges, so you can see why a person might be moved to shout at him. I’m shouting at him right now! But mainly because of his baffling choice of fighting garb, as noted in the exchange as “Page Six” printed it. Emphasis mine:

Dershowitz: “We can still talk, Larry.”

David: “No. No. We really can’t. I saw you. I saw you with your arm around [former Trump Secretary of State Mike] Pompeo! It’s disgusting!” 

Dersh: “He’s my former student [at Harvard Law]. I greet all of my former students that way. I can’t greet my former students?”

David: “It’s disgusting. Your whole enclave — it’s disgusting. You’re disgusting!”

Added the stunned source, “Larry walks away. Alan takes off his T-shirt to reveal another T-shirt [underneath it] that says, ‘It’s The Constitution Stupid!’.”

We’re told Dersh “drove off in an old, dirty Volvo.”

As details go, a dirty old man puttering off in a dirty old Volvo is pretty, pretty good, but it’s the convenient decision to wear a secret second shirt, one emblazoned with a pointed message to the haters, that really does it for me. I mean, it’s not like he was even concealing the punchier of two shirts under some kind of button-down situation, which would be reasonable. Instead, he was just going about his day, running errands while wearing two tees despite the 80-degree weather, as if itching for someone to argue with him solely so he could do the big reveal. This feels markedly less reasonable. Does Dershowitz, like fellow Trump associate Steve Bannon, just pile on a bunch of shirts every morning as a matter of course? Does Dershowitz, too, consider this to be “beach fashion”? Look closely at the above photo; do you think he has even more shirts stashed under the one that we can see? I definitely do. I definitely think Alan Dershowitz is always wearing at least two shirts, but probably more, at any given moment.

Speaking to “Page Six,” however, Dershowitz suggested the presence of an argumentative undershirt was just a coincidence. Apparently, “he had been planning to give the outer T-shirt to his pal as a gag gift.” When he encountered David, he was allegedly en route to meet this friend and therefore … wearing their present on his body? Hm. Sorry but I don’t believe that!

But Why Was He Wearing Two Shirts?