mamma mia

New Mustache Alert!

Whatcha got under there, Harry? A mustache?? Photo: Getty Images/2020 Los Angeles Times

Greetings and a blessed return of Harry Styles’s Mustache to all who observe. This is an occasion that only comes sporadically, often unannounced. Thus, we must celebrate accordingly. If you have a mustache handy, now would be a great time to break it out.

Courtesy of TikTok, we now know that Harry has recently returned to Los Angeles after he and girlfriend Olivia Wilde took a trip to Italy to dance and kiss on a yacht. Based on photos from “Page Six,” the renaissance of the mustache appears to have begun while they were still in Porto Ercole. Apparently, going to Italy really makes Harry want to sport some upper lip hair, because the last time he had a mustache of this proportion, he was also in Italy.

Now, let us begin today’s Mustache Holiday with a song. That song is “Danger” by Mystikal, as it is the audio for the sole video we have of Harry’s mustache.

An admirable ’stache, no? Also, is that a little claw hair clip, I spy? Do you think … he has even tinier hair clips … for the mustache?? The mind wanders …

Perhaps this new mustache is not yet quite as impressive as his previous mustache. (I believe that every mustache has its own merit, but we are all entitled to our own mustache theology.) Here is last year’s quarantine mustache for context and/or size comparison:

So, what’s next for Mustache Harry? More kissing on yachts? A Dunkirk chop? I will go wherever the Big Mustache leads me.

New Mustache Alert!