stinky boys

I Am Begging the Celebs to Please Bathe

Does this look like a man who stinks? Photo: Vera Anderson/WireImage

This blog is for Jake Gyllenhaal, an extremely handsome man who recently told Vanity Fair that he finds “bathing to be less necessary, at times.” And what times would those be, Jacob? Hmm? Here’s the full quote, for context:

VF: Is there anything revelatory about your shower ritual?

JG: I always am baffled that loofahs come from nature. They feel like they’ve been made in a factory but, in fact, it’s just not true. Since I was young, it’s amazed me. More and more I find bathing to be less necessary, at times. I do believe, because Elvis Costello is wonderful, that good manners and bad breath get you nowhere. So I do that. But I do also think that there’s a whole world of not bathing that is also really helpful for skin maintenance, and we naturally clean ourselves.

And then, they just … move on to talking about free lox? Sir! Please! Can we go back to this “whole world of not bathing” you mention? I appreciate the attention to dental hygiene, among many other things about you: the coyness about your height, your love for bagels, the fact that you have a twin. But I am a bit concerned for your armpits!

Scientifically speaking, it’s not bad to occasionally skip a shower. In fact, some experts say you can overwash your face, stripping your skin of its natural oils and microbiome. Perhaps Jake can take solace in the fact that he isn’t the only celeb of late to share a minimalistic approach to bathing. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher recently said they wash their kids only when they’re visibly dirty. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard say they also “wait for the stink” when it comes to bathing their kids.

Look, I too have been known to revel in my stink every once in a while. I am not above a sink bath. When I wear a hat, my nieces ask if it’s because my hair is “yucky.” (It probably is.) And whatever Jake Gyllenhaal is doing can’t be all that bad considering he’s currently the face of a new Prada fragrance campaign and has been said to be “marinated” in some kind of good scent.

Perhaps this is all a distraction from Taylor Swift’s forthcoming ten-minute version of “All Too Well,” a song that is probably, definitely about her ex-boyfriend Gyllenhaal. But I can’t be so easily distracted, Jake!

I Am Begging the Celebs to Please Bathe