Who Said It: Cuomo or Your Ex?

Photo: Screenshot via the Office of the Governor

After multiple allegations of sexual harassment, a toxic workplace, and a criminal complaint of sexual misconduct, Andrew Cuomo has officially resigned as governor of New York. In his speech on Tuesday, Cuomo addressed some of the accusations, offering an I’m-sorry-if-you-were-offended type of apology, though he consistently denied the allegations, as he has done for the past six months. About halfway through his 20-minute speech, Cuomo announced he’d be stepping down as governor in two weeks and that Lieutenant Governor Kathy Hochul would be replacing him.

Then, Cuomo just … kept talking. He talked about New York lowering its number of coronavirus cases, while omitting the part where his administration covered up the high number of COVID deaths in nursing homes. He talked about passing marriage equality, the number of women in his senior administration, his daughters (ages 23, “26 and 26 — twins”), and said “New York tough” about as many times as he said “I’m sorry.”

His resignation felt like a drawn-out breakup where you keep asking the guy to leave and he keeps coming back to say, “And one more thing!” I suppose this is unsurprising from someone whose Twitter bio reads like a bad Tinder bio. (“Father, fisherman, motorcycle enthusiast.”) So, let’s give this man the send-off he deserves: a dumb little quiz about which quotes are from his resignation speech and which are something your ex probably said while you were breaking up.

Is This a Quote From Cuomo’s Resignation Speech or Something Your Shitty Ex Said When You Broke Up?

It's more difficult than you think!

“Now, don’t get me wrong. This is not to say that there are not 11 women who I have truly offended. There are.”
“I thought a hug and putting my arm around a [person] while taking a picture was friendly.”
“I kissed a woman on the cheek at a wedding, and I thought I was being nice, but she felt that it was too aggressive.”
“I have slipped and called people ‘honey,’ ‘sweetheart,’ and ‘darling.’ I meant it to be endearing, but women found it dated and offensive.”
"I was joking. Obviously.”
"My sense of humor can be insensitive and off-putting."
"In my mind, I’ve never crossed the line with anyone, but I didn’t realize the extent to which the line has been redrawn."
"I made some jokes about the negative consequences of married life. I meant it to be humorous. She was offended."
“I often will give [people] a grip of the arm, a pat on the face, a touch of the stomach, a slap on the back. It’s my way of saying, ‘I see you. I appreciate you.’”
“I don’t remember doing it at all. I didn’t do it consciously … I did not mean any sexual connotation.”
“I never did and I never would intentionally disrespect a woman or treat ANY woman differently than I would want [my daughters] treated.”
“You taught me and you taught others an important lesson: Personal boundaries must be expanded and must be protected.”
“I love you.”
“It’s not about me. It’s about we.”

Who Said It: Cuomo or Your Ex?