This week, a woman who can’t get enough sex with her sort-of fiancé: 25, in a relationship, Queens.
9:37 a.m. I wake up and my fiancé/boyfriend, A, has his arm slung across the front of my chest. He’s awake and on his phone but I’m not ready to get up yet. After a while he realizes I’m awake and starts gently nuzzling my neck. Feeling frisky, I turn and guide his head to my nipple. We have quick but intense sex for a few minutes before we both come.
11:34 a.m. We’re now in the kitchen as he makes pancakes — chocolate chip for me, regular for him. I’m 25. A is almost ten years my senior and was with his last ex for 12 years — no marriage, no kids. We’ve been together for almost three years now. We don’t live together, but we spend almost every night together at one of our places.
2:30 p.m. We decide to try watching some TV. I cuddle closer to him and start kissing his neck as he moans. I smile coyly and start sucking his dick. I go for about 20 minutes then tell him to finish himself off and look at me. I love to watch him climax.
11:40 p.m. We fall asleep quick and easy, with him half-spooning me.
8:43 a.m. We have back-to-back plans this weekend, and I’m not only mildly COVID-anxious (hello, variants), but I also get socially anxious. This morning, I wake up and start to read from the Kindle app on my phone. I’m making time for more things I enjoy since the pandemic started. I’ve read over 30 books this year, mostly before bed and on early mornings like these when I’m up before A.
3:30 p.m. A is doing laundry while we watch Blind Date on Hulu. He mentions getting ready for the party with his friends later, and I immediately feel my arms prickle. For a psychologist in training who knows a ton about anxiety disorders, I can’t ever seem to get mine under control.
8 p.m. At his friend’s house party. A assured me we wouldn’t have to stay super-late, and I try to will myself to have a good time.
9:46 p.m. We leave the party just as people start to really move onto the dance floor. We’re in the car heading home and, emboldened by the liquor in me, I initiate a convo about how his friends feel about me. I like the validation from time to time that I’m a better girlfriend than his ex. Technically, we’re engaged: Over video chat during lockdown, he asked me to marry him and I wear a ring he got me. We haven’t told anyone yet, so I wear it on my right hand. He wants to feel more stable in his career before we really make it official.
12:02 a.m. Back at home, we head to bed. I kiss around his mouth and lick his lips, which he loves. He calls me a tease, which I love. I start planting gentle kisses before working my way down to his dick and blowing him like a candle.
12:10 a.m. A starts to fall asleep. When he comes to, he says I “sucked his soul out” and that’s why he’s dozing. I put on my eye mask and earplugs, and we go to sleep.
6:32 a.m. Another early morning riddled with anxiety. I try to accept my anxious thoughts and do some belly breathing. When that fails, I read a little.
1:15 p.m. After yesterday, I have no motivation to travel all the way to Brooklyn even though A will drive, like always. “Honey, let’s just not go,” he says. I tell him we have to because it’s a going-away picnic for my friends and throw on my outfit.
4:09 p.m. We finally find my friends in the sea of people that is a Sunday afternoon in Prospect Park. There’s wine and a charcuterie board laid out on a blanket. I notice A, who’s normally the sociable between the two of us, is uncannily quiet. Part of me gets annoyed at what my friends might think and the other part wonders what it could be about.
6:47 p.m. On the drive home we debrief about the festivities. He mentions he was unsure how to interact with these new friends — partially because of the age gap but also because they’re a little bougie. I tell him I understand. We ride the rest of the way home with his hand on my thigh.
9:10 p.m. We get back, shower, and watch TV until midnight.
7:08 a.m. Today’s A’s birthday!!! The only legitimate reason for me to INTENTIONALLY be up this early. He went all out for mine, but I’m unemployed so I can’t be as extravagant. I quickly run out to get balloons and his favorite breakfast from the diner.
12 p.m. We’re at his place, watching a movie. I have coordinated a surprise party with his friends, R and S, for later and try to covertly text them about ETA and setup. S tells me if need be, just distract him with the winking emoji: “You know how.” His friends are a trip, but they’re kind and I know them well enough now to appreciate their humor.
5:30 p.m. I didn’t intend to heed S’s advice, but suddenly we’re hot and heavy after a few long kisses. He fucks me like he has something to prove. I moan at the top of my lungs before coming, hard, and he finishes shortly after.
7:33 p.m. When we come through the door at his friend’s place, S cues the music and everyone yells out “Happy Birthday!” while R snaps a Polaroid. A pulls me in and pecks me on my forehead. Mission accomplished.
9:45 p.m. I’m a few cups of rum and ginger ale in, A’s had a few beers, but when R asks if we want to go hit the bong, we both say yes.
10:30 p.m. On the porch, R is talking about his romantic interests, info I already know because A told me, but I play the fool. I’m struggling to keep my composure because I’m lit and feel A pull me back to lean against him. He subtly rubs my ass, and I rub up his leg until I feel a familiar stiffness.
11:51 p.m. We leave early after sending each other filthy messages on our phones even though we’re in the same space. We stop for food ’cause he knows I’ll be hungry later then head home, where he fucks me so hard I think I’m going to self-combust.
10:37 a.m. We have a lazy morning, which I love, spooning and exchanging pecks before we finally get up, shower, and have breakfast.
4:00 p.m. We head over to his friends’ to pick up the decorations and, inevitably, get roped into staying to watch sports and drink.
6:55 p.m. A and I are texting from the same room again. I’m tipsy and want him so badly it hurts. When S isn’t looking, I slip A’s finger in my mouth for a moment. We leave shortly after.
7:22 p.m. Today, we take things slow and gentle. My ex never got me off in four years of dating. We were each other’s firsts, so I judged on a curve but after a few years, he gave up trying and I was very unsatisfied. A always makes sure I come, another reason why I love him.
10:59 p.m. Between dinner, the sex, and the drinks from earlier, I’m beat.
9:44 a.m. I wake up in pain and realize I’ve started my period.
1:06 p.m. My brother offers to take A and I out for lunch. He’s pretty introverted so though I feel like shit, I decide to go anyway since he’s making an effort to spend time with A.
2:40 p.m. We grab some food and A and my brother have a nice time. I’m glad we made it out for this.
4:08 p.m. We get back to my place and put on a movie. I take a bite of an edible ’cause it helps with my period symptoms. When it starts to kick in, I suddenly feel restless. I lick A’s ear, and we start furiously making out. It’s so passionate and loud between both of our moans that I come back-to-back.
9:00 p.m. We end up eating late because he waits until my stomach feels better to eat with me. I think about how lucky I am to have such a considerate partner who satisfies me in so many ways.
11:26 p.m. We call it a night because I’m not feeling great.
10:26 a.m. We wake up around the same time, and have sex for a little while, gently again this time.
11:55 a.m. We’re heading out somewhere (A hasn’t said where). I feel nauseous and crampy, and he tells me to take a bite of an edible. I do but don’t feel much better, and my mood starts to darken. We ride in silence the rest of the way, his hand on my thigh.
12:37 p.m. We get to a local boardwalk, and it’s hot and I’m uncomfortable. We walk a bit in silence until he eventually says, “Let’s turn back.” I’m pissed because I know this means he’s feeling a way about my silence. We bicker for a bit and end up heading back to the car.
1:18 p.m. I go into the bedroom and lie down.
5:46 p.m. He brings me a snack since I haven’t eaten all day. I appreciate the gesture and decide to let go of whatever happened earlier.
11:13 p.m. After dinner and cuddles, we’re on much better footing. I struggle a lot with reconciling how cool he gets when upset with how loving and adoring he is normally. I ponder this as I drift off to sleep, praying he lands the job interview he has tomorrow so we can “officially” get engaged.