Show Us the Rude Carrot

Sexy sexy veg Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Getty Images

Quick: Which vegetable is the sexiest vegetable?! I will give you a little bit of time to consider this question for yourself, but just know that the answer we are looking for is not an eggplant (overdone) nor a big lush beefsteak of a tomato (technical fruit) nor a zucchini (gross) nor anything pulled from the ground in Gerald Stratford’s giant-veg garden (leave him out of this). The answer is a carrot, specifically the Rude Carrot that literally stopped the presses in New Zealand this week.

Raw footage of the incident suggests it was an extremely phallic specimen — too phallic to be flashing in public. The Rude Carrot crashed member of Parliament Carmel Sepuloni’s Zoom interview with Radio Samoa on Monday thanks to her son, who reportedly fished it out of the grocery haul and immediately ran to show the camera. In the broadcast, Sepuloni’s son barges into the room beaming and waving the sensual carrot over his head. According to Sepuloni, it looked “like a male body part,” which maybe explains why Radio Samoa cut to a “Break” graphic.

“Yes, we were almost wrestling over a carrot on camera and yes, I’m laughing about it now but wasn’t at the time,” she tweeted afterward. “A big up’s to all our parents working from home and parenting at the same time — I see you!” Also, “Note to self: I will never buy the odd shaped carrot pack again.”

Personally, I see the potential for a sexy surprise as an argument for ugly produce; as the Guardian points out, everybody loves suggestive veg. Indeed, my only complaint here is that we were not allowed to ogle the penis-carrot for a little while longer. I could barely make out the specific parts on this junk, so brief and blurry was its appearance on my screen. On the one hand, an air of mystery only adds to sex appeal; on the other hand, life is too short to play games. Show me the freaky carrot!!

Show Us the Rude Carrot