Andrew Lloyd Webber Still Has Not Recovered From Cats

Photo: Working Title/Universal/Kobal/Shutterstock

Despite directly preceding the outbreak of a deadly global pandemic, the movie release of Cats was a dark time for humanity as a whole — and for no one more than Andrew Lloyd Webber, who revealed in an interview with Variety that he was so distressed by the butchering of his musical ode to felines, he went out and bought a dog.

Lloyd Webber, who first composed the music for Cats in 1977, has already made it clear he did not care for the movie. In August of last year, he called it “ridiculous” in the Sunday Times, which is one way of describing the disturbingly erotic out-of-body fever dream that was Cats. At least, Lloyd Webber told Variety, “one good thing” came out of the movie: his “little Havanese puppy.”

He apparently became so dependent on this revenge puppy that, when an airline requested proof that he needed a therapy dog, he replied, “Yes, just see what Hollywood did to my musical Cats.” According to Lloyd Webber, whoever was handling the airline’s service-animal requests that day was of a similar mind, because he says they got back to him immediately, saying, “No doctor’s report required.” Frankly, I’m not sure I believe this story, but it makes for a good punch line nonetheless.

I too suffered emotional damages upon viewing the furry crotch bulge where Jason Derulo’s enormous cat penis once was, so I cannot fault Webber for his extreme reaction. At least (God willing) he didn’t see the butthole cut?

Andrew Lloyd Webber Still Has Not Recovered From Cats