Remember the most erotic six seconds of 2021? I am referring, of course, to when Oscar Isaac sensually sniffed Jessica Chastain’s armpit at the Cannes red carpet. Ostensibly the two were there for the premiere of their new TV miniseries Scenes From a Marriage, but really, they were there to inhale each other’s underarms. Let me refresh your memory:
Again, slowly this time:
No one really needed to be told what was going on during this unspeakably sexually charged encounter, but someone asked our collective husband about it anyway, and he came up with a very … convenient answer. In an interview with IndieWire, he gave a question about that moment considerable thought before coming up with a totally credible response. According to IndieWire:
“Um,” he said, when asked about the clip, and paused for a solid 15 seconds. Then squinted into the camera and grinned. “That wasn’t me,” he said. “I don’t know who that was, but we’re on to it. We’ve gotta stop that guy, whoever that was. I’ve got my best people on it. I’ve got to figure out what that was all about, aside from distracting people from the important things.”
Okay, Shaggy! I guess the whole “I was in a fugue state” thing worked for the guy in Breaking Bad, so why not. For the record, both Isaac and Chastain are married, which shouldn’t preclude them from having a horny little moment together, but whatever. If there are multiple Oscar Isaacs out there operating independently of Isaac’s own mind, we have a world of possibilities on our hands. Can one of them travel the world, smelling the armpits of lusty fans everywhere? Can another explain Dune to me personally?
Which leads me to a request: Please, Oscar, call your people off. Your dissociated self sniffing Jessica Chastain’s armpit is the important things. What this branch of your personality does is his business, and if his business is burying his nose in the nooks and crannies of people’s consenting bodies, so be it. Let him live!