Stanley Tucci Knows Exactly What He’s Doing

The internet’s collective husband, Stanley Tucci. Photo: @stanleytucci/Instagram

There is only one person living their best life right now, and that person is Stanley Tucci. He’s out here making Negronis, talking shit on Peppa Pig, and now, he is at a farmers’ market in Venice teaching us all how to pick out the perfect zucchini. Wink, wink, and furthermore, nudge, nudge.

The key? Why, size of course! “I know it sounds sexual,” Tucci says, but he insists it’s not. According to the internet’s collective husband, Italy’s zucchinis — or zucchinas, as he pronounces it — are the perfect size, which appears to be about eight inches. (Though, I guess that depends on who you ask …) Please, if you will, enjoy a video of this man talking about perfectly proportioned produce:

What’s not to love about this video? Stanley Tucci is wearing a little scarf! He’s commenting on the cucumbers’ perfect size! Did he cut out the part at the beginning where he says, “I’m coming into frame, ready?” Of course not! And that is a choice we must honor and respect. This clip is among his greatest work. Give the man a James Beard Award and an Oscar. (I’d say an Emmy as well, but his travel and food show Searching for Italy already won one.)

Talking about food is nothing new for Stanley Tucci. He came out with a cookbook in 2012. And again in 2014. And yet again earlier this month. So, it’s little surprise we all want to watch him talk about the things he puts in his mouth: vegetables, fruits, pasta, cocktails. I would probably watch this man microwave a hot dog if he posted it. Molto bene!

Stanley Tucci Knows Exactly What He’s Doing