Jake Gyllenhaal loves to be elusive. He has been famously coy about his height, which I take to mean he is five-foot-ten. He will give no indication regarding the whereabouts of Taylor Swift’s scarf from that very first week. So, it will come as little surprise to you that he has refused to say whether or not he runs the Instagram account of this cat named Ms. FluffleStiltskin. Allow me to explain.
First, meet Ms. FluffleStiltskin, a gorgeous and powerful (Persian??) cat with a scrunched-up face. To see her is to love her. She always looks a little pissed off, which is to say she is perfect.
Now, if you will, please direct your attention to the caption of that post, which reads, “MEOUCH — y’all need to clam [sic] down and stop cyber bullying.” I’m assuming “clam” was a typo. (Unless it was a vague pun alluding to how cats like fish, and clams live where fish do? I don’t know.) Regardless, I’m sure you’re wondering why this cat is (presumably) referencing a Taylor Swift lyric and taking a stance against cyberbullying. The latter is a fine and good stance to take but one that seems intentionally timed given this juicy piece of information: Ms. FluffleStiltskin has been rumored to be Jake Gyllenhaal’s cat. And Gyllenhaal has gotten a lot of, uh, unwanted attention given Swift’s recently released ten-minute version of “All Too Well,” which is rumored to have been inspired by her relationship with Gyllenhaal.
Before you go down the rabbit hole I just did, please note, it’s probably not his cat. There were whispers Ms. FluffleStiltskin belongs to Jeanne Cadieu, Gyllenhaal’s girlfriend, or perhaps even to Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jake’s sister. However, this 2020 interview Ms. FluffleStiltskin gave about her pandemic experience — what a wonderful series of words to have just typed! — seems to confirm that her owner is a man. Additionally, the industrious sleuths at W Magazine named the most likely culprit back in February 2020: music producer Bryan Ling. Not only is Ling tagged in a few pictures on Ms. FluffleStiltskin’s account, his personal Instagram bio read, at one point, “You probably follow my cat.” Also, he’s reportedly close friends with Jake Gyllenhaal.
This could explain why Gyllenhaal has liked and commented on many of Ms. FluffleStiltskin’s posts, why Ms. FluffleStiltskin did an homage to his Marvel character Mysterio, and why, most recently, Ms. FluffleStiltskin has appeared to firmly plant her paws on the side of Team Jake. It doesn’t explain why Gyllenhaal won’t say, point-blank, whether or not Ms. FluffleStiltskin is his cat. In this 2019 interview with Yahoo Entertainment, he would only say that he’s “met Fluff” and that “she’s amazing.” When asked directly if she’s his cat, he winked to the camera.
Suffice to say, it seems we will never know who gets to claim ownership of this perfect cat. Instead, Ms. FluffleStiltskin can be a cat of the people. She’s the internet’s cat now.