hot takes

All the Houses in Selling Sunset Are … Kinda Ugly?

“And here, we have the movie-theater room, complete with recliners made from the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.” Photo: Netflix

Everyone knows money can’t buy taste. So it should be no surprise that much of the decor in Selling Sunset’s multimillion-dollar homes is, to put it gently, truly heinous. Still, every time Chrishell guides us into a master bedroom adorned with too many ceramic jugs or Christine walks past dining room chairs that somehow combine faux fur, wood, and an uncomfortable backrest, I can’t help but wonder, Who decided this looks good? In honor of the season-four premiere, let’s take a stroll down this most hideous memory lane to ew and ugh at some of the decor featured on the show thus far.

How, why, and what are those white “chairs”? Photo: Courtesy Netflix

In general, many of the Selling Sunset homes are reminiscent of the Ex Machina murder house or an Apple store with a bit more fabric. They either look too sterile or bizarrely overdecorated. They’re often futuristic in a dated way or opulent in an ’80s-coked-out way. And we plebeians should feel no shame in calling out this questionable interior design! The moment you buy a house with suede-lined walk-in closets, you revoke all right to be offended by people calling your home ugly. (Even children know this to be true.) Talking about how bad the decor is in overpriced homes is actually a form of anti-capitalist protest. What I am doing here is very brave.

“Hurry—what do people keep on their coffee tables?!” “I don’t know. Coasters? Magazines? A globe?” Photo: Netflix

If the Oppenheim Group didn’t want us to critique each and every one of its properties, it wouldn’t have dozens of photos of them readily available on its website. Why share a picture that prominently features this very large antler chandelier if they don’t want me to ask how they managed to secure this unused prop from True Detective season one? I know this is just a mock-up of a $100 million property, but why does it look like a squashed fax machine? And while I’m aware that having fruit on display is a commonality among staged homes, I don’t know how having two dozen limes in a tray would make someone more willing to live somewhere for $25,000 a month.

The zebra-patterned footstools come with the house? Do they have to? Photo: Courtesy Netflix
That wormy chandelier is just there to distract you from the apparent carpet underneath the dining room table. Photo: Netflix

Against all odds, the decor obviously isn’t doing a disservice when it comes to actually selling these homes. Maya managed to sell this bachelor pad for nearly $5.5 million despite the bright green living room couch that you can literally see from outside. This home sold for almost $8 million, even with the large stone bunny-head statue sitting behind the bar. Likewise I’m sure they’ll have little trouble selling this $75 million Beverly Hills property with a landscape that includes a tree wrapped in Christmas lights like a mall location of the Cheesecake Factory.

To be clear, I do not hate these homes or the bizarre decor inside; I love them. (Or love to hate them, which still counts as love.) I love that it is clearly someone’s job to say things like, “What if we added something a little funky to this room?” and then someone comes in with a bunch of electric guitars to hang on the wall. I love that these gorgeous women have to clickity-clack in their heels across new hardwood floors while trying their best to ignore the random collection of sticks someone put on the marble countertop. This is art. It is culture. It is exactly what I look forward to seeing not just in season four but in the two already-announced spin-offs, Selling Tampa and Selling the OC. The more ugly houses, the better.

All the Houses in Selling Sunset Are … Kinda Ugly?