dune sex

Think Twice Before Having Sex on a Dune

Do these dunes make you want to fuck? Photo: Giulio Andreini/UCG/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

Let’s face it: Dunes are hot right now. But are they … too hot? I ask this because these sandy land forms have apparently become hugely popular sex destinations. Why? No one knows. Maybe people are overwhelmed by the power of Oscar Isaac’s Dune beard, or maybe they just want to exfoliate like Lenny Kravitz. In any case, one particular region in Spain is suffering tremendously from this sudden wave of dune-centric horniness. According to a new report, tourists there are having so much dune sex that they’re actually causing significant damage to the ecosystem.

The region in question is Dunas de Maspalomas, a nature reserve in the Canary Islands that’s been legally protected since 1982. Something about these dunes is, I guess, so irresistably erotic that tourists have felt compelled to build “sex nests,” digging up the island’s native vegetation to clear out space in which to fuck. According to the report, which is called “Sand, Sun, Sea, and Sex with Strangers” (whoever wrote this title needs to contact me immediately), once a nest is created, it can attract “hundreds of people a day.” The researchers say they pinpointed exactly 298 “sex spots” along the beach, including 56 in areas meant to be completely off-limits to the public. Forbidden fruit, I suppose?

Why are these horny tourists so destructive? Well, first off, they’re wreaking havoc on at least eight plant species in the region, not to mention the wildlife that call the dunes home. If all these little critters hanging out in the grass have to relocate too often, they’re overexposed to predators, throwing the entire food chain off balance. Another concern? These sex-havers are apparently leaving condoms everywhere, and at least one giant lizard has died after eating one.

The myth that sex on sand is fun has been debunked many times. Still, after a year of Zoom orgies, I guess I can understand the appeal of sex in a pile of sand. Just … maybe we can leave the lizards out of it?

Think Twice Before Having Sex on a Dune